Change.

I'm told it's a good thing.
Jesus reassures me it's necessary.
My heart is having some difficulty lining up.

I don't like relationships changing.
I don't like people leaving--physically or emotionally.

I know there has to be a brighter tomorrow.
I know change has to be an opportunity.
I know He has good plans.
I know I can trust Him.

I just wonder... why must things change?

"Jesus, I need you to write my final paper and make sense of nuclear physics and download some French to me."

Ahh! Trying to not freak out, but this is one of those times when I have to ask my ambitious, over-achieving self--did you bite off more than you can chew?
And once again, the answer is, Yes! Why do I do this? I don't even know.

But Jesus, you are my solution! You are the answer. For the gagillionth time today: I trust you! You know what's going on, I don't. I love you. And I trust you!

Ce soir etait magnifique!

Deep cleaned my room tonight. It doesn't look much cleaner because we (Char and I) have a lot of stuff and only a little bit of space. But the smell of fbreeze reminds me that it is indeed cleaner. Funny fact - all the dust in our room sparkles because of our make-up =) haha.
I just got the urge to clean and organize--pretty rare for me. So when it comes, I have to strike. Not sure what brought it on. Putting my "Soundtrack" playlist of over 300 songs on shuffle may have helped. It could have been "the best chai in the world," steamed with care by Todd Sittig. Or it could have been a combination of both.
But it's clean... and it makes me happy =)

Funny moment of the night:
I bought one of those vibrating baby toys for a home group baby shower. When I brought it home I was showing my mom and said, "I can't wait to have kids--I'm gonna buy a ton of these and play with them all the time. They are like ultimate stress relievers!"
She just looked up at me and asked, "Why wait?"
hahaha... the next time you see me, I may have a vibrating baby toy in purse =)

I am beginning to realize that people you love can break your heart without even knowing it...

and it hurts!

But in the midst of the pain, the heartbreak, and the questions... I have begun to wonder if I have ever broken someone's heart unintentionally? So, I just wanted to say...

If I have ever hurt your heart, I am so sorry. I didn't know how fragile love was.
I wasn't aware of the pain my words, my actions, and my responses could cause.
If I have ever left you offended or have ignored you or, worse, have rejected you--can you ever forgive me?
I should have told you a long time ago... I love you! Is it too late now for me to say that, because I really do love you. I never ever ever wanted to hurt you! I love you!



"Pain is very real... but hope is also real... God is in the business of redemption... The vision is better endings. The vision is the possibility that we are more loved than we'll ever know. The vision is Hope, and Hope is real... We were made to be lovers in bold and broken places... God makes things new, He meant hope and healing in the stars..." - TWLOHA

Cette blog serait en Francais (sans accents, parce qu'il y n'a pas accents en blogger). Donc je peux faire mes devoirs et me amusanter a le meme temps:

Quand j'etais seize, j'ai alle a l'Italie pour onze jours. J'ai alle avec mes amis et nos chaperones. Nous avons alle a Rom, Florence, Venice, et Assisi. Il etait tres tres beau! J'aime que les Italiens adorent beaucoup d'art. Ils ont des sculptures, des architectures, des peintures, des fresques, et des mosaiques. Nous avons vu le "David," le Palais de Doge, le Bascillica de Saint Peter, le Duomo de Florence, et le Ponte Vecchio. J'adore vraiment le Ponte Vecchio. C'est tres super!

: )

update...

well, i just got hired on at a second job. this is seriously great news because I have so many things to be saving for. but, this also means i will probably be working like every day from now until i get out of school on june 9.

what did i sign myself up for?

I have quite a bit to get done between now and then and now I have even less time to do it. Jesus help! thank goodness He is able even when I am not.

so what's next for this little girl? Well, over the summer i'll be working both jobs and i'm taking a class online (it's one of the pre-req's for com). so, although i'll be super busy, i do have some amazing trips planned. I'm going to California for a cousin's wedding in June (maybe again in August for a friend's wedding). In July, I'm spending a weekend in Oregon for another cousin's wedding (yay for a growing family :). And, I also get to go to one of my favorite spots on earth! Yes, I'm weird, but i absolutely love Spokane! So i'm going there in July. Not to mention Family Camp (woot woot!) which, in the words of Christian McCuen, is "like 5 days of Christmas."

I also registered for classes in the fall. I'm taking four classes for a total of 16 credits. I'm taking the other com pre-req with the beautiful, talented, and hilarious Miss Jessica McKindley. So excited for that! I'm also taking Environmental Health, Art and Architecture of the Ancient World, and English 302-Critical Practice (hopefully with another English-major friend, Helen). The coolest part about the schedule--i only have school Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Haha! so excited. All my community college friends have talked about this for a long time, and now, finally, i won't have to go to school every day!

But, for another exciting announcement, I have decided to take the leap: I am now going to be majoring in English-Literature and Communications and minoring in Classical Studies.

Wow. haha... i am SUCH a nerd and i love it!

I added and re-added and planned, and i should be able to get all that done in the next two years. I should graduate with like 185 credits (just 5 over) in the normal 4 year period. Only draw-back, i won't really have any elective credits left. But that's ok.

so... in a nutshell that is me.

in the words of one of my favorite lines of any movie, there is "so much to enjoy and to be and to do."

for now, bon soir! :)

Quotes of Jane (Part I)

Regarding the King Henry VI: "It was in this reign that Joan of Arc lived and made such a row among the English. They should not have burnt her--but they did." - The History of England

"But there certainly are not so many men of large fortune in the world as there are pretty women to deserve them." - Mansfield Park

"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment." - Pride and Prejudice (Oh how well she understood the female mind! haha)

"loss of virtue in a female is irretrievable... her reputation is no less brittle than it is beautiful..." - Pride and Prejudice

"All I want in a man is someone who rides bravely, dances beautifully, sings with vigor, reads passionately, and whose taste agrees in every point with my own." - Sense and Sensibility

"I think I may boast myself to be, with all possible vanity, the most unlearned and uninformed a female who ever dared to be an authoress." - A sarcastic letter to a chauvinistic friend

"Jane Shore... had a play written about her, but it is a tragedy & therefore not worth reading." - The History of England

"...it requires uncommon steadiness of reason to resist the attraction of being called the most charming girl in the world." - Northanger Abbey

"A large income is the best recipe for happiness I have ever heard of." - Mansfield Park

soooo... i caved.

i made a tumblr account. i wanted to follow several people's blogs (who are on tumblr), and this was the easiest way to do it.
but i just wanted to say that this is my real blog. this is where i pour my thoughts out.

in case anyone is interested, i have decided to blog on tumblr as well. it's called [Beauty on the go] and you can feel free to check it out. i'm going to use it to highlight different artists that i love. but this is my blogging home. i love all my followers and all the people who i follow. i love this community. just had to let you know... thanks :)