Well, if nothing else I have my convictions, right?

I won't watch The Notebook till I'm married because it would just make miserable now.

I won't watch (500) Days of Summer because I would like it too much and make excuses for the bad things.

I won't buy my favorite love songs because they would take my mind too far into the future.

Sometimes, these things make me sad. I feel alone. But its ok.

It's more important to stay consecrated.

I just needed to remind my heart again...

Yes I did stay in my pjs all. day. long.

So, I finished Jane Eyre today. It is such a sad yet beautiful story!

At one point, faced with a heart-wrenching decision to break her principles for the man she loves, she responds:

“I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself. I will keep the law given by God; sanctioned by man. I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane and not mad-as I am now. Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? They have a worth-so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane-quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs. Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot.”

Ah so beautiful! I read this particular part last night at 1 AM and just broke down sobbing. I want to be like that! To choose against my emotions and pursue righteousness. It just moved me so deeply.

The book is wonderful. I was told everything from, "That is the saddest book--especially the ending" to "That ending is the most redemptive ending ever." I understand both positions now. The book is tragic, yet lovely.

Now I get to really look forward to the new adaptation coming out in March. It's going to be by Focus Features (Pride and Prejudice 2005) and the BBC :) Plus, Jane Eyre is going to be played by Mia Wasikowska. Most notably, she played Alice in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, but I first saw her in Defiance where she played opposite of Jamie Bell--who happens to be playing one of the characters in the new Jane Eyre. Needless to say, it should be pretty good. There is so much inner struggle and rich language in the writing that I don't think the novel really lends itself to film, but I will enjoy seeing what the imagery might have been like.

Oh! And reading this book solidifies the fact that I'm going to name one of my daughters "Jane" - first or middle name, I don't care. But between Jane Austen and Jane Eyre one of them has to be a "Jane." I was actually looking for similarities between the Austen novels and this one and there are some profound similarities to Mansfield Park which is almost my favorite of Jane Austen's. I told my mom though (while I was in the middle of the book), "This is so frustrating because I have no idea how it is going to turn out. If it were a Jane Austen novel, I would know exactly how it was going to end."

"And how would it end?" She asked.

"Everything would work out and she would marry the man she was in love with!" hahaha :)

And later on was funny too. I was watching Beauty and the Beast with my mom and sister when it suddenly struck me, "This is a typical Gothic Romance! Yikes! That's two in one day. Oh dear, that'll do my heart a lot of good..." Really, though, it isn't good for me. So tomorrow we're either reading non-fiction or a little bit of Fellowship of the Ring (for the book club).

Anyway... I hope you are having a splendid evening and stealing some extra time with family during the holidays :)

Sweet dreams!

Happy Birthday to Jane Austen! I will post more in memorium of her later, but just had to give a shout out before I went to bed. But, I did want to share a funny story. My Aunt was with us for Thanksgiving and she is a fellow English Major and Janite. I was telling her how I've realized I'm going to need to incorporate "Jane" into one of my girls' names--either first or middle. Then my Aunt goes, "Well, you could have a girl named Jane and a boy named Austen?" Hahahaha... tempting ;)

Well, Jane Dear, Happy 235th =)

Happy birthday also to my dear friend Elsa. You are such an inspiration.

And to my new little friend, one of the cutest little girls in the world, Miss Eden McCuen.

Happy Birthdays to all!

"If you leave I'll still be close to you
When all your fears rain down
I'll take you back a thousand times again
I'll take you as my own
I would sing you songs of innocence
'Til the light of morning comes
'Til the rays of gold and honey
Cover you
In the sweetness of the dawn
But you're always on the run

Slow your breath down
Just take it slow
Find your heart now, oh
You can trust in love again
Slow your breath down, just take it slow
Find your smile now, oh
You can trust in love again

You're not alone
You're now a part of me
You feel the cure
I'll find the toil it brought you..."

-"Slow Your Breath Down" by Future of Forestry

I have owned this song for almost a year.

I've played it several times.

But last friday at the Future of Forestry Advent Concert

(one of the highlights of the year, I'm making it an annual tradition),

last friday was the first time I really heard this song.

Such powerful lyrics, and seeing it live brought me to tears.

Read those words again and let them minister to you.

Enjoy:

Check out those incredible eyes!!!

This is a bronze statue from ca. 350 BC entitled

the "Antikythera Youth" (which is just the place he was found :)

Actually, the truly amazing story behind this statue is that

it was found in a shipwreck.

So between 350 BC and sometime in the last few hundred years

the Mediterranean had been preserving this statue.

And yet, those incredible, in-laid eyes remain.

Maybe I'm a bit strange, but I think that is remarkable!

Well, Greek Art has been really fun this quarter.

I'm studying lots and lots and lots of slides for my final.

Oh! And I should probably tell you my exciting news.

It is official.

Winter Quarter, I will be taking a graduate seminar.

That means I'll be in class with people working

on their Master's degrees. Yikes!

I am soooooooo excited for this opportunity,

but, oh my word!, it's going to be intense.

So, if you think about it, pray for me.

Well, I need to get back to my studies.

Have a blessed day everyone,

and try to stay dry :)

ok... funniest question of the day:

Steve, one of the older, really nice salesman at work today asked me, "Is your scarf hiding a hickey?"

Hahahaha! Very funny, Steve =)

*Sigh... this has been a very long and very stretching week.

But I can breathe easy for a few hours :)

So, thoughts on this week:

- I may be dropping my communication major and focusing all on English. There's an opportunity that I could take a graduate seminar next quarter. This would be an enormous privilege but would also be very challenging. I can only take it though if I am not pursuing com. I need to know by monday :-/ I'm leaning towards dropping com. It would open up a lot of opportunities. If I dropped com I would be able to apply for Honors English, take more Lit classes (including a grad seminar), take a few more electives, and I could even apply teach a Freshman Interest Group (FIG). It would be pretty incredible. I just need to hear a definitive from the Lord and from my parents.

- I took my first step this week in turning Inception into a topic scholarly study. We had to write a media critique for my com class. In nearly all my classes I've been seeing "Inception links." (If you flip through my copy of Heart of Darkness you will find multiple notes referencing Inception--there are SO many connections between that book and that movie). After bringing the film up a couple of times in my literature class (it DID apply), my professor made a brilliant point: "Inception is your generation's Matrix." It's very, very true. In my dreams of being a professor, I would make my students watch the film and use it as a critical theory. (PS - so excited for it to come out on tuesday, but i have to wait to watch it till my finals are over):

- Because I had to read such a horrible book last weekend for my lit class, I decided to buy some new worship music to play in the background. This was fun, but challenging because 3 of my favorites all came out with albums this month ("Joy" by forerunner music, "Live at the Banks House" by Will Reagan and the United Pursuit Band, and "Come Away" by Jesus Culture--which the title track of is a beautiful cover of two UPB songs :). Well, I bought a couple of songs from each album. But I had to inform you that my favorite, and the one I've had on repeat most of this week, is "One Thing Remains" by Chris Quilala of off "Come Away." Such a good one. [I just have to insert something here that some of you may be helpful... so, more and more songs on iTunes seem to be "album only." Well, I found a way around them. Amazon MP3 sells them as individual songs... sometimes they're 1.99 instead of .99, but if you're like me and not likely to buy the entire album, it's a steal... just an fyi :]

- Ok... random quote I've had in my head today:

"One minute your saving the whole galaxy! And the next minute you find yourself suckin' down darjeeling ... with Marie Antoinette and her little sister."

hahahahaha... :)

Well, the next 12 days are going to be intense. I have a take home final next weekend, an in class that monday, and another one that wednesday. But I also have - sunday the 5th: CCK Christmas Party. monday the 6th: Piano Recital. friday the 10th: Future of Forestry Christmas Worship Concert (I've been waiting all year to go back to this!!!). saturday the 11th: Charlli's concert choir. tuesday the 14th: Beks gets home!!!!!! =)

All that to say, I'm going to be really busy. No movies or TV for me. I'm already off of FB and Tumblr :(

But it'll be ok. On the 15th, I'll be a free woman :)

Cheers!

Is there even a word for someone who is the positive to the negative terms "racist" or "sexist"? I mean, seriously. Yes, there are words like "tolerant" and "aware," but they lack power and specificity. People are so quick to dash about and accuse everyone of being racist or sexist. "There's not enough representation of x, y, and z on television." "This add so belittles women." And on and on...

But have any of these people--so quick to judge everyone else's ethics--in all their pondering and creating new ways to condemn people, have they ever settled on a term of what they're trying to achieve?

And if "feminism" and "multiculturalism" are what they're trying to achieve, then they've got it all wrong. Hating men on the one side and losing national identity on the other won't give them what they want. But they are so quick to focus on the negative, to look for evil that I don't think they even know what they're aiming at.

I'm sorry... that was a bit of a rant. I'm writing a paper write now when the thought struck me, "How do I define something that has overcome racism and sexism? I CAN'T!" hahaha... getting back to my paper now :)