Ah! Jesus is so good. He blesses me so much. This last weekend was brilliant. It was filled with so many amazing conversations, lots of laughter, and fun surprises.

But most of all, it was full of hope.

I have 9 days left before I'm on my [extended] spring break. The biggest things I have left to do are: an astronomy quiz, a research project on a phrase of british slang (do you know what it means to "jolly someone along"? If not, you'll want to read my paper...:), a take home linguistics test, and, finally, a final paper on Jane Austen and social revolution (whoot!).

Once I'm done with those things, I am done.

I've already started looking at possible places to get a second job and even that is filled with hope. I'm so excited to see what He wants to do this next season. I've already started a list of books He's told me to read. Ah! so fun... I was talking to Esther Maria yesterday, and she said that books are her "love language." yes yes yes! me too :)

And the Lord has already provided for me in incredible ways! I had really been wanting to see Jane Eyre (the film) since I read the book in December. It comes out this weekend, but I do not have it in my budget to go see it. But the other day I got on my UW email and there was an offer for free movie passes to see it! Jesus is sometimes too good. He knows what we need.

"cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you..."

"and hope does not disappoint..."

I've been reading blogs for the last hour or so when I meant to do my homework... so I decided to just give it up and give you all an update. It may seem random at times, but I just have a lot on my heart.

The Lord has been doing so much in me and through me. I probably had more overflow opportunities in January than I ever expected. I saw classmates and tumblr friends come to church for the first time, coworkers come to homegroup, met countless new people, and had so many breakfast/coffee/lunch dates with people. I love it!

I've definitely been busy. The second week of school I was looking at my sched and realized that I am probably busier now than I ever have been before--and that is so good! That means I'm growing. And that means that the Lord trusts me.

But I also have school which has been so intense this quarter. School has wanted to consume my attention in its entirety. The grad seminar that I'm taking is such a blessing, but it is such a challenge. I am one of 9 students and I'm the only undergrad. Everyone else is teaching and working on their master's thesis. Most of the time during class discussions, I am sitting on my computer, googling what the other people are talking about because I have no idea what they're saying. There are times when I've given up understanding and just observed--which, if you know me, is totally abnormal for me. After the first couple weeks, I told my mom, "Well I think this is the first time I've had to worry about my participation grade in a class." haha

There have been so many times that the Lord has had to remind me that I am not inferior. My identity is in Him, not in pharaoh's system, and I have grace to walk in confidence.

This morning, I had an extended Jesus time (so good!). My heart just felt so heavy from the last few weeks. It's been go-go-go, non-stop with school and homework and work and youth group and home group and meetings and power point and dates with people and errands to run and people to pick up.......

I have been so weary. Last night we had an incredible home group, but I came home with a terrible migraine and I had had no dinner. Plus, this week my foot has acted up. There is a nerve or muscle that is not happy with me. It hurts when I walk and it swells up at night :-/

So I was spending time with Jesus and I just started crying. But, because He's just so amazing, He told me to go back and rehearse His faithfulness. Specifically, He told me to reread some journals from this time last year, which was another night season requiring a lot of trust in Papa. I wanted to share a little bit with you...

"I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love." - Jeremiah 31:3

"Your greatest glory is my highest joy." - Katrina Hope

I had an incredible revelation about the Lord's beauty.

The Lord took me through a time of testing.

"I still believe there's nothing more beautiful than the love you have for me..." - United Pursuit

"Close your eyes this time

Trust is all we have tonight

But trust will be forever

Safe your dreams will be

Trust will be your light tonight

So close your eyes this time..."

- Future of Forestry

"Samara, there is good in every situation. God is sending good your way. You need to find the good..." - Mom

"From the first shock of cold air in the delivery room to the last gasp of air on our death beds, we crave love. We instinctively yearn for it, gravitate toward it and feel like starving people if we're deprived of it." - Alan Wright, Shame Off You

...those are just a few quotes and lyrics I ran across. They refresh me.

Well, I'm off to my sister's to hang out with her and the little man. We're going to paint our fingernails =)

Tonight is Charlli-Samara time and we're watching Pride and Prejudice... can't wait.

Love you all, have a blessed and restful weekend.

Jesus is soooo good!

No questions. No doubts. You can trust Him!

So, Sunday night, I came home from work and planned to start on my homework straight away. I opened my computer--and it was dead! I mean, the hard drive totally crashed! Non bueno! After a momentary freak-out, I reminded myself that God is good and he is in control.

More than being upset about possibly having to get a new computer or about all the things I lost (I did have the most important stuff backed up)--I was worried because I had no idea how I was going to finish this quarter! I mean, there are papers and online assignments and now I had no computer. Fortunately, I had just 1 month left of my Apple Care, so I made an appointment with the genius bar for the following day. I was just hoping they could do whatever repairs quickly because I didn't know how I was going to do all my homework!

So my mom and I went Monday morning and the guy looked at it and confirmed that it was indeed dead, quite dead. "But," he said, "we can replace the hard drive in about 20 minutes, is that ok?" Wow! Yes, that would be perfect. He started taking the computer apart and said, "Ok, looks like you had tiger. Would you want to upgrade to Snow Leopard?" Hmmm... a hard drive that is two generations newer--sure, lets go with that one. :-)

So he went to the back to get the hard drive while my mom and I were totally cracking up! Then he says, "So, we didn't have the 80 gb replacement, which is what your computer had. So we're going to have to give you a 250 gb one." Ha!

So, I pretty much got a brand new computer that is newer, bigger, and faster--for free! It should now last me so much longer than it would have if this had never happened. Basically, the Lord's "creative provision" is beyond human logic and is so much better than anything we could have planned!

Jesus is soooo good!

No questions. No doubts. You can trust Him! :-)

Passages from Isaiah 42-43 in the Message:

"But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way,
who can't see where they're going.
I'll be a personal guide to them,
directing them through unknown country.
I'll be right there to show them what roads to take,
make sure they don't fall into the ditch.
These are the things I'll be doing for them--
sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute...
Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name.
You're mine!
When you're in over your head,
I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you won't go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end--
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me!
That's How much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.
So don't be afraid: I'm with you..."

Words that go straight to the heart of a pioneer daughter. It doesn't matter where I get lost--He is my guide. It's not the end of the world when I am overwhelmed--He is with me. It doesn't even matter when I mess up--He is my acceptance. He says, "You're mine... even when no one else would pick you. Even when you wouldn't even pick you--You are mine!!! I'm calling your name. Take my hand. I can lead you through the desert and I will never abandon you! Don't be afraid: I'm with you..."

And I am overwhelmed--but I'm beginning to be more overwhelmed by Him and His goodness and His abundant love than by my worries, fears, and responsibilities. I have felt this week that I was "between a rock and a hard place." But His goodness is leading me through. No dead ends. He showed me the depths of His love. He asked me to dance with Him in the desert. And so we danced...

I am finally convinced that no man's love could ever be enough. No man's attentions could satisfy. Nobody could ever bring the conviction I need or the comfort I so desperately crave. He is so much more valuable than a husband could ever be.
I never thought I'd get to this place! I heard other people who could say that, but I wondered if it could possibly be true. I've wanted to be married so long and so bad--and now, I am wholly content with Him. All I need is His presence. All I want is to see His face! One day with him is better than a thousand could be with my future husband. Everyone, everything else pales in the brilliance of His eyes and the glory of His face! I wish I could convey this weighty revelation with justice. But language fails...

This morning I read, Psalm 131 (Message), and this is what it said:
"Wait for God. Wait with hope.
Hope now; hope always!"
I am in raptures over this verse! Not only is it so unbelievably incredible... It brings to mind one of my most favorite quotes of any book of all time: the final lines of The Count of Monte Cristo -- "all human wisdom is contained in these words: Wait and hope!"
The Lord so speaks to me through literature (i love it!) and I could so clearly hear Him speaking to me in this verse. All I need is to wait and hope and dance with Him in the desert...

"Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery..." - Jane Austen

Last night (after three grueling flights), I arrived home in Seattle! Ross and Melissa picked me up from the airport, bless them, and then took Josiah and I out for a spontaneous dinner at Kidd Valley. For anyone who knows me, my life always needs more spontaneity!

The wedding in North Dakota was absolutely beautiful! I cried the entire time - no joke. The trip overall was fun, most especially, spending time with classmates I rarely see. However, I did learn a few things on the trip:
1. North Dakota does not believe in recycling or prohibiting people from smoking indoors
2. Montana really does go on forever
3. Some people will do anything to get the bride's bouquet--including rip it out of my hands (lol)
4. I have the best brother-in-law in the world
5. Not even medicine will cure my motion sickness

After trying to prepare myself for the first day of a new quarter, the tryptophan kicked in and I crashed. And then, like a bad omen, I woke up late! My first class was at 8:30 and I didn't wake up till 7:45. Thank goodness my parents are letting me use their car this week while they are in Arizona, otherwise, I would have missed the first class entirely. I was just kicking myself that, after spending money on a plan ticket in order to be in class, I oversleep.

But, Jesus is sovereign. My classes went well overall. My french instructor is rather strict, but I suppose that's a good thing for a language class. The only other class I had was Greek and Roman Public and Private life. It's so interesting! I love love love classical studies, especially regarding the Greeks. While doing the reading for class tomorrow, I nearly started crying: I want a minor in Classical Studies sooooo bad. But alas, I've plum run out of credits. I'm barely going to be able to take all the classes I need for my two majors. I just wish I could do it all! To add insult to injury, a girl I met in french class today is actually getting two majors and a minor... I'm so jealous. But i'm sure it will be alright.

But today, Jesus made my heart smile. Some of you may know that I have been on a spending freeze since January. The Lord told me I could not spend any money on clothes or make-up until I had all my money for Spring tuition. This has been super hard and I've nearly caved three or four times. But this entire time I've had a little store credit for my fave consignment store, Crossroads. But my balance was only $4.74. But today, I went in there to see if I could find something fun and useful for such a small amount. After not finding much in their accessory department, I browsed the "half-off" rack. I found this adorable, pull-over vest that is just so perfect. The total rang up at 4.65! The rest of the day I was like, "Jesus loves me! Jesus loves me!" The day was made beautiful--despite the nasty rain and wind!

Really quick, check out Psalm 102 in the message. I can't get away from this. The title is: "A prayer of on whose life is falling to pieces, and who lets God know just how bad it is." Hah! I've def had days where I could write something with that title. But the psalmist writes, "Yet you, God are sovereign still, always and ever sovereign." Woah! I just love this verse. I don't think it really works this way, but I've kind of felt that God's sovereignty is my special revelation. I get it. I have to remind myself of it. But it's one of those things that I "know in my knower." After walking through two rounds of cancer afflicting those I love and countless other tests of my faith--I can clearly see that "God works all things together for good." I have been in this phase where I can almost hear God saying, "I told you so." I just keep realizing, "Oh, duh! You do know what's best for me." I'm realizing more and more and more that what I would have chosen for myself would have been detrimental. He so knows best! When I read Madame Guyon's chapter on "Abandoment," my heart jumped up and down, testifying that, "YES! This is so true!" She writes, "You must accept everything... as having come from your Lord." Amen to that! This Psalm just echoes that. God is good all the time. Whatever is happening right now, rest assured in this: He knows what he is doing!