how winter quarter stacked up...

Tonight I finished The Tempest and, in so doing, finished off my reading load for the quarter.

And what a load it has been...

*Disclaimer: I have not read everything in that pile... but most of it.

For some of those books, only portions were assigned (e.g. Shakespeare and Mansfield).

The Rainbow - D. H. Lawrence

Othello - William Shakespeare

Macbeth - William Shakespeare

Selected Short Stories - Katherine Mansfield

Clarissa - Samuel Richardson

King Lear - William Shakespeare

Moments of Being - Virginia Woolf

To the Lighthouse - Virginia Woolf

Measure for Measure - William Shakespeare

Waterland - Graham Swift

Winter's Tale - William Shakespeare

Tom Jones - Henry Fielding

Atonement - Ian McEwan

The Tempest - William Shakespeare

But I added up an approximation of what I actually read:

Nearly 2500 pages in 2 months (62 days to be precise)

Things I cannot count: The number of...

...times I groaned reading Lawrence

...times I thought, "Ok, Clarissa, we get it. Move along now."

...beautiful quotes in Moments

...moments of frustration with Tom Jones

...nights/mornings my family found me asleep on a couch--book in my lap, crick in my neck

haha... yes, I'm odd.

I'm a nerd.

And I seriously couldn't have done this quarter without Jesus!

Now, after reading 2,500 pages, how hard could it possibly be to write 20?

Trying to finish The Rainbow, one of D. H. Lawrence's early works [and my first attempt at this author]. But it is proving a formidable challenge. I do not care about these characters or their affairs. I'll consent that Lawrence can craft prose beautifully. The narrator describes one of the character's contemplation on the sabbath, saying, "She found herself in a strange, undefined place, where her spirit could wander in dreams, unassailed." Beautiful, truly. Later, addressing the crisis of identity, he writes:

"...how to become oneself? One was not oneself, one was merely a half-stated question. How to become oneself, how to know the question and the answer of oneself, when one was merely an unfixed something-nothing, blowing about like the winds of heaven, undefined, unstated..."  

I think he poses the questions marvelously... but his answers are bleak, at best. Every portrayal of marriage is unbelievably selfish--each man, each woman, trying to exert their wills over the other person. I suppose, without Christ, we really are all that self-centered. But it makes for a terrible read! I don't like it when books have no one to root for. Even an "anti-hero" has the possibility for redemption. But this novel only has characters--some main characters--but no protagonist =/

Ok... enough of a rant. Back to reading.

Meet my Monday/Wednesday companions...

[David Bevington's The Complete Works of Shakespeare and Samuel Richardson's Clarissa]

Just two of my books for this quarter... yikes!

As of tomorrow, I'll be lugging these two buddies around--pray for my back and my endurance!

So excited to be reading Marilyn Butler's Jane Austen and the War of Ideas.

I have been wanting to read her literary criticism for almost two years. But I finally get to read it for a paper I'm doing.

I had this amazing God-moment this afternoon. I was sitting doing homework and my mind was going through all the things I needed to get done. All of this was while I was reading this book. Then all of a sudden I realized I was in one of those moments... one of those moments when you are startled with the realization that you are fulfilling your destiny. I mean, obviously, we are always living in our destiny. But there are times when we find ourselves in the midst of doing what we have dreamed of. For me that's Austen literary critique--but it doesn't matter what the specifics are. I am just amazed that I get to live this dream with my Father :)

Only a few more late nights of studying!

It's so hard staying up late working on a paper and setting your alarm for early the next morning, knowing that you'll be up even later the next night... But I'm almost there =)

change is good

So, lately I have been considering some pretty big changes in my life. I have been so tired, physically, and just feeling burnt out. My mom helped me to see that I had placed so many demands on myself. Once she pointed it out I caught myself saying, "I have to do ___," several times a day. She would stop me and say, "No. You don't have to do anything. You only have to choose peace." I started asking the Lord what that looked like for me.

And he revealed the answer very quickly:

I'm not going to school next quarter.

Don't freak out. I will still graduate on time (June 2012 :) and I absolutely love school. Its just that, including summer quarter last year, I have been going to school for nearly 1 1/2 straight. I was really getting low on energy and enthusiasm. Not only that, but I was not going to have enough money for this quarter, my taxes, or a potential trip to Oxford (still waiting to hear back... should find out in mid-april).

So this spring my plan is to get a second job, save as much money as possible, read books that the Lord has been putting on my heart, be involved with church more, spend quality time with friends, welcome a beautiful niece, and visit the cherry trees for therapy!

Really, the Lord told me this is going to be a season of rest for me. Despite needing to work quite a bit, He's putting my heart at rest--and I'm so excited! I have been in a routine for so long and now He's taking me on an adventure =)

Good news of the day:

• My professor told me that writing my final paper on Jane Austen would be ok
• She also told me she would write me a reference letter for both Oxford and for a Scholarship
• Pastor Trout made me cry :')
• My mom (who's on vacation) informed me that she bought me a bunch of things at Last Chance Nordstrom
• I got to watch the Academy Awards live for the first time ever =)
• Inception won 4 oscars!!
• The King's Speech won 4 oscars!!!
• One of my classes was cancelled for tomorrow, so I have more time to work on homework
• Jesus told me that He loved me! =)

haha... I hope you had a good day too!

I don't remember if I had mentioned this, but I have been exhausted and hungry lately. Not the kind of exhausted where your eyelids are heavy because you didn't get enough sleep last night--no, the type of exhausted where you are constantly weary and can't even stay awake to do your homework. And not just hungry... I've been a vegetarian for 12 years, but the last two weeks, I've been craving red meat... But whenever I eat anything, I get more tired. Along with that, my foot has been in pain (unexplainably) for the last week.

So tomorrow its off to the dr. I can't remember ever being excited for my blood to get drawn, but if it means finding out how my iron and vitamin D levels are doing--I'm down with it.

Pray if you will. School is hard--not insane, but not a breeze. I'm a little over half way done with this quarter, but I just need more of His grace.

On a happier [?] note... I was talking with my mom today and it dawned on me that I only have 4 more quarters as an undergrad... isn't that crazy? Time flies! I register for spring quarter in a few weeks. But after that, the next time I register will be as a senior. Wow!

I should probably go do my homework now, but I will let you know how things turn out....

Bonsoir!

I've been reading blogs for the last hour or so when I meant to do my homework... so I decided to just give it up and give you all an update. It may seem random at times, but I just have a lot on my heart.

The Lord has been doing so much in me and through me. I probably had more overflow opportunities in January than I ever expected. I saw classmates and tumblr friends come to church for the first time, coworkers come to homegroup, met countless new people, and had so many breakfast/coffee/lunch dates with people. I love it!

I've definitely been busy. The second week of school I was looking at my sched and realized that I am probably busier now than I ever have been before--and that is so good! That means I'm growing. And that means that the Lord trusts me.

But I also have school which has been so intense this quarter. School has wanted to consume my attention in its entirety. The grad seminar that I'm taking is such a blessing, but it is such a challenge. I am one of 9 students and I'm the only undergrad. Everyone else is teaching and working on their master's thesis. Most of the time during class discussions, I am sitting on my computer, googling what the other people are talking about because I have no idea what they're saying. There are times when I've given up understanding and just observed--which, if you know me, is totally abnormal for me. After the first couple weeks, I told my mom, "Well I think this is the first time I've had to worry about my participation grade in a class." haha

There have been so many times that the Lord has had to remind me that I am not inferior. My identity is in Him, not in pharaoh's system, and I have grace to walk in confidence.

This morning, I had an extended Jesus time (so good!). My heart just felt so heavy from the last few weeks. It's been go-go-go, non-stop with school and homework and work and youth group and home group and meetings and power point and dates with people and errands to run and people to pick up.......

I have been so weary. Last night we had an incredible home group, but I came home with a terrible migraine and I had had no dinner. Plus, this week my foot has acted up. There is a nerve or muscle that is not happy with me. It hurts when I walk and it swells up at night :-/

So I was spending time with Jesus and I just started crying. But, because He's just so amazing, He told me to go back and rehearse His faithfulness. Specifically, He told me to reread some journals from this time last year, which was another night season requiring a lot of trust in Papa. I wanted to share a little bit with you...

"I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love." - Jeremiah 31:3

"Your greatest glory is my highest joy." - Katrina Hope

I had an incredible revelation about the Lord's beauty.

The Lord took me through a time of testing.

"I still believe there's nothing more beautiful than the love you have for me..." - United Pursuit

"Close your eyes this time

Trust is all we have tonight

But trust will be forever

Safe your dreams will be

Trust will be your light tonight

So close your eyes this time..."

- Future of Forestry

"Samara, there is good in every situation. God is sending good your way. You need to find the good..." - Mom

"From the first shock of cold air in the delivery room to the last gasp of air on our death beds, we crave love. We instinctively yearn for it, gravitate toward it and feel like starving people if we're deprived of it." - Alan Wright, Shame Off You

...those are just a few quotes and lyrics I ran across. They refresh me.

Well, I'm off to my sister's to hang out with her and the little man. We're going to paint our fingernails =)

Tonight is Charlli-Samara time and we're watching Pride and Prejudice... can't wait.

Love you all, have a blessed and restful weekend.

Ah... productive day off.

I didn't start my day until 9:30, which is highly unusual for me. I got up, took a shower, got ready, and then I got to have a nice long time with the Lord. I love those days. Today I had the joy of finishing a journal and starting a new one. Every time I finish a journal, I go back and leaf through it, looking for highlights and reading important entries. Then I write a sort of "farewell" on the back page that tries to sum up some of what that particular journal was about. This journal's focus: desperation! It was written everywhere, "Jesus... I NEED YOU!" I almost had to laugh at myself at how worried I had let myself become. I wanted to go back and tell myself, "Ummm... can you remember a time when He has not come through?" There were some really beautiful passages too. He had shared with me parts of my identity, and rereading those today was therapeutic. Probably the highlight of my day.

After getting on tumblr and looking at some of the gowns from the golden globes last night (which, by and large, I was really disappointed with...), I made a really long to do list. It wasn't really just for today, more for the whole week. But I got quite a bit crossed off, which feels so good!

I had switched with a co-worker who was going to cover me on saturday if I worked today, so I got ready and headed off to Honda. As soon as I walked in, I saw my co-worker--the one I had switched with. Turns out there had been a miscommunication and she decided to work both days. So I headed back home, quickly scheming up some new plans (really, one of my favorite things to do... I am such a schemer ;).

Once I got home, I did a few more little tasks. I also took a definitive step: I applied to be a Freshman Interest Group (FIG) leader. We'll see how that goes. It's so exciting to think of opportunities like that. I mean, it's fun to think of my way of life changing. This would give me a chance to be a teacher, rather than just a student, and that's really exciting.

Oh! I also got news that one of my best friends is now planning on studying abroad in London in July--which is the same time I'm planning on being in England, if not in London itself. So, now I'm scheming about a weekend with her in London. Hah! How fun is that?

Then my sister and I grabbed some books and headed off for a study sesh at starbucks :) So peaceful. I feel like I get so much more done when I'm not at home. I have just fallen in love with going to starbucks or the Kirkland library (such a favorite!) to get some quality studying done.

Anyways, now all I have left to do is read some more and then I'm heading to bed early.

Quite a splendid day.

Good thing I got some quality friend time in at the prayer meetings, this last weekend, and today at school because I just realized that I have 2 weeks to read 3 books and do a book review = me locked away reading for the next 2 weeks!

Oh, plus I have a phonetics midterm the next day, which should be a breeze.

As hard as it is, I really am LOVING school. The three books I'm reading: Caleb Williams by William Godwin and then 2 literary criticisms of the novel: The Godwinian Novel and, the one I'm most excited for, Romantics, Rebels, and Reactionaries.

"It's gonna be great.

It's gonna be wild.

It's gonna be full of me..." =)

sunday night...

Sitting in my bed. Happy to be full.

Reading (and cherishing) old blog posts, especially from this time last year.

My "Capri Blue Volcano" candle is spreading joy throughout my room.

Listening to the Will Reagan/Laura Hackett version of "How He Loves."

Thinking about the new year and all that is to come.

Checking up on what I missed on tumblr and fb.

Avoiding my homework :-/

Saying another goodbye. No funsies.

So excited for a breakfast date with a friend tomorrow!

Praying for more compassion and for open eyes.

Content that I'm single. Expecting so many good things =)

Praying about the future. Asking for a dream.

Eager to read Radical (gets here on Tuesday).

So glad for a new week full of incredible possibilities...

Classes are in full swing and I already feel busy...

But in the midst of all the craziness, Jesus has been so faithful to remind me that He is with me, in it all. The first day of class afforded crystal clear views of the Olympics, Cascades, and my beloved Rainier. Even the first day of fasting was alright. His presence is just enveloping. Today, despite the clouds and the grey, the bald eagle (I've decided to name him Reginald :) had perched himself on the fountain on the westside of 520.

These little things are just reminders of His promises...

Not only that, but today, as I was waiting outside my linguistics classroom, one of my best friends showed up. We had both signed up for this class and were afraid it was going to be really boring. But seeing one another was so uplifting. Helen and I have taken 3 English classes before and I'm looking forward to being with her again.

All that to say, His faithfulness has been so obvious and His goodness is just overwhelming at times!

*Sigh... this has been a very long and very stretching week.

But I can breathe easy for a few hours :)

So, thoughts on this week:

- I may be dropping my communication major and focusing all on English. There's an opportunity that I could take a graduate seminar next quarter. This would be an enormous privilege but would also be very challenging. I can only take it though if I am not pursuing com. I need to know by monday :-/ I'm leaning towards dropping com. It would open up a lot of opportunities. If I dropped com I would be able to apply for Honors English, take more Lit classes (including a grad seminar), take a few more electives, and I could even apply teach a Freshman Interest Group (FIG). It would be pretty incredible. I just need to hear a definitive from the Lord and from my parents.

- I took my first step this week in turning Inception into a topic scholarly study. We had to write a media critique for my com class. In nearly all my classes I've been seeing "Inception links." (If you flip through my copy of Heart of Darkness you will find multiple notes referencing Inception--there are SO many connections between that book and that movie). After bringing the film up a couple of times in my literature class (it DID apply), my professor made a brilliant point: "Inception is your generation's Matrix." It's very, very true. In my dreams of being a professor, I would make my students watch the film and use it as a critical theory. (PS - so excited for it to come out on tuesday, but i have to wait to watch it till my finals are over):

- Because I had to read such a horrible book last weekend for my lit class, I decided to buy some new worship music to play in the background. This was fun, but challenging because 3 of my favorites all came out with albums this month ("Joy" by forerunner music, "Live at the Banks House" by Will Reagan and the United Pursuit Band, and "Come Away" by Jesus Culture--which the title track of is a beautiful cover of two UPB songs :). Well, I bought a couple of songs from each album. But I had to inform you that my favorite, and the one I've had on repeat most of this week, is "One Thing Remains" by Chris Quilala of off "Come Away." Such a good one. [I just have to insert something here that some of you may be helpful... so, more and more songs on iTunes seem to be "album only." Well, I found a way around them. Amazon MP3 sells them as individual songs... sometimes they're 1.99 instead of .99, but if you're like me and not likely to buy the entire album, it's a steal... just an fyi :]

- Ok... random quote I've had in my head today:

"One minute your saving the whole galaxy! And the next minute you find yourself suckin' down darjeeling ... with Marie Antoinette and her little sister."

hahahahaha... :)

Well, the next 12 days are going to be intense. I have a take home final next weekend, an in class that monday, and another one that wednesday. But I also have - sunday the 5th: CCK Christmas Party. monday the 6th: Piano Recital. friday the 10th: Future of Forestry Christmas Worship Concert (I've been waiting all year to go back to this!!!). saturday the 11th: Charlli's concert choir. tuesday the 14th: Beks gets home!!!!!! =)

All that to say, I'm going to be really busy. No movies or TV for me. I'm already off of FB and Tumblr :(

But it'll be ok. On the 15th, I'll be a free woman :)

Cheers!

Guess what I just did? :)

I just finished filling out the first step to my study abroad application for Oxford next summer. Yippeee!!

I'm going next week to renew my passport.

I have a professor lined up to fill out my academic recommendation.

And... Prince William and Kate Middleton are planning a spring or summer wedding = I could possibly be there... maybe :)

Ok... I really like this one. Her name is "Merenda." She's from 540 BC, Archaic Greece. We believe she's either royalty or a goddess. And she's holding a lotus flower. Isn't she lovely?

Alright... there's a "Greek Art" lesson for you!

I finished Pride and Prejudice for the third time today. "A minor sort of accomplishment, I suppose." I've gotten something different out of it every time I've read it--especially this time since it was for my critical theory class. I love her. I love Jane Austen. She was so ahead of her time. And what a pioneer. I mean, she wrote novels when novels where unpopular--and she was a woman! (also unpopular, haha). And yet, she was one of the first to make novels popular. wow!

Oh, and today, I happened upon where the Austen scholarship is kept in Odegaard. As I looked at all those incredible titles (e.g. Letters of Austen, Austen and the French Revolution, etc. etc.), I was like, "Wow, I can just picture myself in grad school, sitting in front of this shelf at all hours of the night researching her and loving every minute of it." Hahaha...

And, her section is on the same shelf as Keats! Parfait =)

This morning my Mom and I were talking about grad school. It's kind of daunting and yet its getting closer. Did you know that UW accepts only 20 students into the Master's program each year--out of an average of 600 applicants? Yah... that's a little daunting. I joked with my mom, "But maybe I'll get married and never go to grad school."

She just looked at me and I said, "Alright, yeah, I'll probably go to grad school no matter what. I know myself too well. But I don't know how I'll be able to afford it."

She replied swiftly: "Marry filthy rich" =) haha

I don't know what may come. I don't know what I'm doing this summer even. I'm still praying about the Oxford program. I'm also considering going as a tourist. But, I will have a 1 month old niece or nephew then--which would make it hard to leave. Well, it's in the Lord's hands. He's leading this adventure... I'm just here for the ride. What fun!

Ok... this is going to be an "academic" post. I'm back in school so the nerd is coming out a bit more often. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Alright, take a look at the photo down below. This statue was found on the Acropolis and dates back to Archaic Greece (I guess I should have prefaced by saying that I'm taking Greek Art and Archaeology this quarter). But, back to the statue... This type of statue was an extremely common motif--starting in Archaic Greece and going on into the Roman Empire. These types of statues were found all over the ancient world and always near temples. They depict a young man carrying a lamb across his shoulders, which indicated the sacrifice he was going to make to the gods.

So, this being such a common motif, it is understandable that it was adopted by the Early Church and used in their Christian art. And this is how the form is remembered: Christ carrying a lamb on His shoulders. But notice how Jesus turned the whole motif on its head: instead of the young man carrying his sacrifice, Christ is the sacrifice carrying the ones that He saved.

Isn't that incredible? I'm going nuts over this! Haha... for all of the junk and the perversion and the lies that I have read and learned of in my Classics classes, revelations like this make it so beyond worth it!

just thought I'd share :)

Summer News:

Well, school starts back up in a week and a half--and i can hardly wait! I wish it was this Wednesday rather than next!

I'm entering my last week at the clinic. Strange. I feel like I'm shutting a huge door to an old season of my life-not a bad one at all! But I can sense like He's opening and closing doors all over the place. So many new things!

And He's pushing me into new relationships-which is so necessary and SOOO much fun!

I just have to confess, I've been pretty bad! I've only finished two books this summer =( yikes!

You'd never guess which ones either. Haha... prepare to laugh:

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There by Lewis Carrol

and... Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.

So... kind of three. But still, "I am ashamed."

But... right now, I'm a little over half way through The Overton Window by Glenn Beck. I had forgotten what it was like to be "in" a book. I think this must be what being in a relationship is like. When I am "in" a book, I can't think of much else. I would rather read than eat or sleep (two of my absolute favorite activities). I have to talk to other people about the book. I plan my whole day on "how can i find 20 minutes to read a bit more?" Basically, I fall in love with the book.

And I forgot what that feels like... until this book. I love it!

Alright... I'm going to stop talking now. haha... goodnight lovelies!

What have you read this summer?

I am not ready to wave goodbye to summer, but...

I must confess I'm getting very excited for fall! Now that family camp is over...it's all i can think about.

I can't wait to be back at school. This year is going to be

very different and very fun!

I'm so excited to see old friends (julia ;) and make new ones.

I'm excited for more of the Lord.

I'm excited to pursue dreams.

I'm just really excited =)

And I'm excited for fall fashion!

The fashion year kicks off with the September issue of Vogue

and I think I'm actually going to buy it this year.

I'm also really excited to do my back to school shopping.

My friend, Chloe, and I are going to trek down to South-Center

So many fun stores there :)

I love finding fashion inspiration.

Here are just a few:

This one's my fave!

Ah! So excited for this fall! So many new things:

New school year/classes

New job schedule

New focus

New roomie

New car

New Vision

I am so looking forward to it!

Happy fall!