"I know; it's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. 
"It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.
"Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something--even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something."

- the indeed Samwise Gamgee

I have so many friends in England right now, several more falling in love with Sherlock, and I get to celebrate the Queen's Diamond Jubilee with some British friends this weekend. It all makes me feel... connected. 


A woman I greatly appreciate told me something priceless after I got back from England last year. She said, "I've realized, some people are threads that make up a piece of fabric. They are the foundation to community. But some people are the threads that hold two different pieces of fabric together--and they feel the pull. They are woven into one community, then another, but without fully belonging to just one. It can be painful, but without those threads, we wouldn't have the interwoven, interconnected Body of Christ."
I've realized I'm one of those threads. I hope that doesn't sound arrogant--its more heavy than it is enjoyable. But I do feel the pull of a far off place... and I don't know when I'll be able to return. But like I said, receiving post-cards that have made the journey and talking with other "threads"--some who feel the pull much stronger than I do!--it helps. It sometimes feels like a workout for my heart's capacity, but it helps.


Even with feeling like an interwoven thread, I hold onto a promise that becomes more real, more pertinent everyday:

"My dear Sam, you cannot always be torn into two. You must be whole and one for many, many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do."

I'm waiting for that wholeness. And I know its coming. But until then...

God save the Queen!

I think I had forgotten just how much I love Lord of the Rings--if that is even possible, as if forgetting that you love an old and dear friend is possible...

Today as I was re-reading, er--skimming--I came across so many lines and passages, both old favorites and new ones, so rich that I could hardly go on. Several pages of my journal are filled with quotes and even more are underlined in my book. (I apologize to anyone who see that as defacing--but I can hardly read a book without underlining it!)

But then I came across a passage that echoed my response to the Lord more than anything else. Sam had followed Frodo out of obedience, but one of his biggest motivations was to see the Elves. Early on in the story (a part not in the films), they meet an Elf. Afterwards, Frodo asks Sam if he still wants to continue and Sam responds:

Yes, sir. I don't know how to say it, but after last night I feel different. I seem to see ahead in a kind of way. I know we are going to take a very long road, into darkness; but I know I can't turn back. It isn't to see Elves now, nor dragons, nor mountains, that I want--I don't rightly know what I want: but I have something to do before the end, and it lies ahead, not in the Shire. I must see it through...

Ah! This is so close to my heart's cry. It was like, "Lord, I know the way ahead is very long, and it won't be easy, it may even be dark. But I know that's where you called me. I know you're calling me to be a Pioneer. I used to be afraid of that, but I'm not anymore. I'm not going to school for me anymore. It's not because of the beautiful cherry trees or stunning Rainier or to read good books and hear fun facts--I'm going for you! My destiny does not lie in the familiar and comfortable of home; it is only to be found in the wild unknown of the trail. But I'm going to seek that destiny. I will follow you there..."

I hope this speaks to you in someway too. He put a Pioneer's heart in each of us, and I pray you feel His stirring in this New Year.