Addendum to yesterday's post...

So I was, in fact, sitting in a cafe reading a novel.  This guy sat down not far from me and asked what I was reading.  I told him; we exchanged banter...as you do.  After a bit, he told me, "You do realize, of course, that you're a quirky girl with short brown hair reading in a coffee shop? Like, you know you are that archetype, right?"

Haha, yes I do.  Thank you for noticing :)

1.16.13

Today starts with yesterday.  Under an unusual compulsion, I jump into the shower before bed. I blow dry my bangs back - they're too long - and let the rest of my hair dry au naturale while I sleep.

Sleep in just a bit.  Begin morning routine, slightly thrown off by the tres au naturale hair.  Decide to curl it, pinning the bangs back.  It turns out well and faster than expected.  Makeup.  I realize, with my bangs back, I can do a smoky eye...first time in months.

Hair looks good.  Makeup looks good.  What do I have that's clean and will hide the holiday weight?  What to wear?  I pick a mustard yellow, lacy skirt.  Grab black tights, shirt, grey sweater (one of five), black boots.  Not too shabby.

Samara, you could drive in.  I could.  Forget the bus, I'm driving this morning.  Turn on the car so it will melt.

Keys x2, (brand new) iPhone, purse, book.

Not too bad of a commute... praying today goes better than the last two days.  Bob's back today.  It'll be a better day.

"I Will Wait" comes on.  Theme song of the season.

Paint my spirit gold...

I'm crying at the 4th street exit.

Park the car.  Dry my eyes.

Work away work away.  Compliments on the skirt "Oh, thank you..."  Work away work away.

Work is good - it is a better day.

Lunch - no LBD. Crack open the book for the first time.  Embrace fiction.  It's different, but I barely make it back to work on time.  Then I have a hard time leaving the book-scape and focusing on work.

"At some point you have to choose between life and fiction.  The two are very close, but they never actually touch."  I hear my mom quoting.  I'd rather not choose.  Eh, date a girl who reads.

Work away work away.  Cross off to-do list.  The afternoon goes fast.

Join the parade northbound.  Random musings during "five for the drive."  Why can people accept the abstractness of music but not of narratives?  They don't sit around frustrated asking - "but what do the notes mean?"  No, it's only when you complicate things with spoken language that people expect the speaker to have things figured out, sorted, wrapped in a bow.  They're not content to pass through the language and see what sticks afterward.  "Poetry soothes and emboldens the soul to accept mystery."  Listen to the music.  Look at the paintings.  Read the books.  Watch the films.  Accept the mystery.

Arrive at destination = another silent soap box session over.

Massage appointment.  Car accidents stink, but I can't complain about consistent massages.  My therapist says I look "British."  For the win.

And finally... home.

1.16.13

"If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are."

- "Date a girl who reads" by Rosemarie Urquico 

These by-now familiar words are an all-too perfect description of my present state. So it may come as no surprise that I find my tired self tearing up at work while in the middle of this book:

I apologize... but for now, these characters are real. All too real.

So, I finished Jane Eyre today. It is such a sad yet beautiful story!

At one point, faced with a heart-wrenching decision to break her principles for the man she loves, she responds:

“I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself. I will keep the law given by God; sanctioned by man. I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane and not mad-as I am now. Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? They have a worth-so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane-quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs. Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot.”

Ah so beautiful! I read this particular part last night at 1 AM and just broke down sobbing. I want to be like that! To choose against my emotions and pursue righteousness. It just moved me so deeply.

The book is wonderful. I was told everything from, "That is the saddest book--especially the ending" to "That ending is the most redemptive ending ever." I understand both positions now. The book is tragic, yet lovely.

Now I get to really look forward to the new adaptation coming out in March. It's going to be by Focus Features (Pride and Prejudice 2005) and the BBC :) Plus, Jane Eyre is going to be played by Mia Wasikowska. Most notably, she played Alice in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, but I first saw her in Defiance where she played opposite of Jamie Bell--who happens to be playing one of the characters in the new Jane Eyre. Needless to say, it should be pretty good. There is so much inner struggle and rich language in the writing that I don't think the novel really lends itself to film, but I will enjoy seeing what the imagery might have been like.

Oh! And reading this book solidifies the fact that I'm going to name one of my daughters "Jane" - first or middle name, I don't care. But between Jane Austen and Jane Eyre one of them has to be a "Jane." I was actually looking for similarities between the Austen novels and this one and there are some profound similarities to Mansfield Park which is almost my favorite of Jane Austen's. I told my mom though (while I was in the middle of the book), "This is so frustrating because I have no idea how it is going to turn out. If it were a Jane Austen novel, I would know exactly how it was going to end."

"And how would it end?" She asked.

"Everything would work out and she would marry the man she was in love with!" hahaha :)

And later on was funny too. I was watching Beauty and the Beast with my mom and sister when it suddenly struck me, "This is a typical Gothic Romance! Yikes! That's two in one day. Oh dear, that'll do my heart a lot of good..." Really, though, it isn't good for me. So tomorrow we're either reading non-fiction or a little bit of Fellowship of the Ring (for the book club).

Anyway... I hope you are having a splendid evening and stealing some extra time with family during the holidays :)

Sweet dreams!