Do you ever get overwhelmed with the reality of existence?  The weightiness of life?  Like you can glimpse some bit of eternity or something.

I've only heard a bit about the turmoil in Egypt.  I read about accidental deaths or murders on a daily basis.  I see hatred in the world. 

I also see love.  I see people do beautiful things.  Even simple acts sometimes make me want to cry.  I see contagious vulnerability and it makes me want to live transparently, generously, humbly. 

Sometimes it seems to be too much.  There is so much of every extreme in this world.  We've found a million ways to divide humanity and only a handful to unite.  That handful of reasons are strong though.  I'm realizing more and more that God doesn't view us through our divisions.  He didn't see the woman at the well as "a Samaritan."  He doesn't see Egyptians or Americans.  He doesn't see race the way we do.  He sees His family - both those who are lost and those who have been found by Him.  We can be so harsh, so critical.  What if I was born in Syria rather than the US?  What if I was a druggie-baby in foster care?  What if I lived in poverty with little educational encouragement?  I am immensely grateful for where and when God placed me.  But how can I take pride in something I had no control over?  So who am I to judge?

The Lord has been speaking to me about seeing the sameness rather than seeing the differences.  I want to love all his people.  This leads some people to think I'm over-sensitive.  But when you truly empathize with another human being - how could I not be sensitive when people say such harsh things about them or, even worse, when they completely ignore them?   I'm not perfect at this.  More than not, I probably do incredibly insensitive things.  I know I don't empathize enough.  If I did, I'm pretty sure my priorities would look completely different.  But I am listening to Father, and I'm allowing Him to change my priorities - if ever so slowly.  But even when it's painful - I'm grateful.  Because when it comes down to it, there is not much of a difference between me and the overlooked, unloved people so far away. 

Today, this is my glimpse of life.  It is a weight on my soul.  But it is also a gift.

There is no great difference between us.  In the words of GK Chesterton:  “We are all in the same boat, in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty.”

- Rhett Butler, Gone with the Wind

[favorite quote]

*Sigh... this has been a very long and very stretching week.

But I can breathe easy for a few hours :)

So, thoughts on this week:

- I may be dropping my communication major and focusing all on English. There's an opportunity that I could take a graduate seminar next quarter. This would be an enormous privilege but would also be very challenging. I can only take it though if I am not pursuing com. I need to know by monday :-/ I'm leaning towards dropping com. It would open up a lot of opportunities. If I dropped com I would be able to apply for Honors English, take more Lit classes (including a grad seminar), take a few more electives, and I could even apply teach a Freshman Interest Group (FIG). It would be pretty incredible. I just need to hear a definitive from the Lord and from my parents.

- I took my first step this week in turning Inception into a topic scholarly study. We had to write a media critique for my com class. In nearly all my classes I've been seeing "Inception links." (If you flip through my copy of Heart of Darkness you will find multiple notes referencing Inception--there are SO many connections between that book and that movie). After bringing the film up a couple of times in my literature class (it DID apply), my professor made a brilliant point: "Inception is your generation's Matrix." It's very, very true. In my dreams of being a professor, I would make my students watch the film and use it as a critical theory. (PS - so excited for it to come out on tuesday, but i have to wait to watch it till my finals are over):

- Because I had to read such a horrible book last weekend for my lit class, I decided to buy some new worship music to play in the background. This was fun, but challenging because 3 of my favorites all came out with albums this month ("Joy" by forerunner music, "Live at the Banks House" by Will Reagan and the United Pursuit Band, and "Come Away" by Jesus Culture--which the title track of is a beautiful cover of two UPB songs :). Well, I bought a couple of songs from each album. But I had to inform you that my favorite, and the one I've had on repeat most of this week, is "One Thing Remains" by Chris Quilala of off "Come Away." Such a good one. [I just have to insert something here that some of you may be helpful... so, more and more songs on iTunes seem to be "album only." Well, I found a way around them. Amazon MP3 sells them as individual songs... sometimes they're 1.99 instead of .99, but if you're like me and not likely to buy the entire album, it's a steal... just an fyi :]

- Ok... random quote I've had in my head today:

"One minute your saving the whole galaxy! And the next minute you find yourself suckin' down darjeeling ... with Marie Antoinette and her little sister."

hahahahaha... :)

Well, the next 12 days are going to be intense. I have a take home final next weekend, an in class that monday, and another one that wednesday. But I also have - sunday the 5th: CCK Christmas Party. monday the 6th: Piano Recital. friday the 10th: Future of Forestry Christmas Worship Concert (I've been waiting all year to go back to this!!!). saturday the 11th: Charlli's concert choir. tuesday the 14th: Beks gets home!!!!!! =)

All that to say, I'm going to be really busy. No movies or TV for me. I'm already off of FB and Tumblr :(

But it'll be ok. On the 15th, I'll be a free woman :)

Cheers!

So... I just saw Fantastic Mr. Fox for the first time. Great movie... One of those beautifully random and creatively odd movies that have way deeper meanings than all of the hollywood formula ones put together. Plus it was funny :)

Well, I just wanted to share this one part. It's a toast that George Clooney makes that I reeeally liked:

"When I look down this table, with the exquisite feast set before us, I see: two terrific lawyers, a skilled pediatrician, a wonderful chef, a savvy real estate agent, an excellent tailor, a crack accountant, a gifted musician, pretty good minnow fisherman, and possibly the best landscape painter working on the scene today. Maybe a few of you might even read my column from time to time, Who knows? I tend to doubt it. I also see a room full of wild animals. Wild animals, with true natures and pure talents. Wild animals with scientific-sounding Latin names that mean something about our DNA. Wild animals each with his own strengths and weaknesses due to his or her species. Anyway, I think it may very well be all the beautiful differences among us that might just give us the tiniest glimmer of a chance of saving my nephew, and letting me make it up to you for getting us into this, this crazy... whatever it is. I don't know. It's just a thought. Thank you for listening. Cheers, everyone."

Beautiful, isn't it? Well, I'm off to have breakfast with my little sister in downtown kirkland, and we'll probably play scrabble :)

Wisdom from Dr. Tong:

Gratitude is what we give for what God has already done.
Praise is what we give to God for what He is going to do.

...chew on that for a while


ps... 100th post is soon to be on the way :)