I've been reading blogs for the last hour or so when I meant to do my homework... so I decided to just give it up and give you all an update. It may seem random at times, but I just have a lot on my heart.

The Lord has been doing so much in me and through me. I probably had more overflow opportunities in January than I ever expected. I saw classmates and tumblr friends come to church for the first time, coworkers come to homegroup, met countless new people, and had so many breakfast/coffee/lunch dates with people. I love it!

I've definitely been busy. The second week of school I was looking at my sched and realized that I am probably busier now than I ever have been before--and that is so good! That means I'm growing. And that means that the Lord trusts me.

But I also have school which has been so intense this quarter. School has wanted to consume my attention in its entirety. The grad seminar that I'm taking is such a blessing, but it is such a challenge. I am one of 9 students and I'm the only undergrad. Everyone else is teaching and working on their master's thesis. Most of the time during class discussions, I am sitting on my computer, googling what the other people are talking about because I have no idea what they're saying. There are times when I've given up understanding and just observed--which, if you know me, is totally abnormal for me. After the first couple weeks, I told my mom, "Well I think this is the first time I've had to worry about my participation grade in a class." haha

There have been so many times that the Lord has had to remind me that I am not inferior. My identity is in Him, not in pharaoh's system, and I have grace to walk in confidence.

This morning, I had an extended Jesus time (so good!). My heart just felt so heavy from the last few weeks. It's been go-go-go, non-stop with school and homework and work and youth group and home group and meetings and power point and dates with people and errands to run and people to pick up.......

I have been so weary. Last night we had an incredible home group, but I came home with a terrible migraine and I had had no dinner. Plus, this week my foot has acted up. There is a nerve or muscle that is not happy with me. It hurts when I walk and it swells up at night :-/

So I was spending time with Jesus and I just started crying. But, because He's just so amazing, He told me to go back and rehearse His faithfulness. Specifically, He told me to reread some journals from this time last year, which was another night season requiring a lot of trust in Papa. I wanted to share a little bit with you...

"I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love." - Jeremiah 31:3

"Your greatest glory is my highest joy." - Katrina Hope

I had an incredible revelation about the Lord's beauty.

The Lord took me through a time of testing.

"I still believe there's nothing more beautiful than the love you have for me..." - United Pursuit

"Close your eyes this time

Trust is all we have tonight

But trust will be forever

Safe your dreams will be

Trust will be your light tonight

So close your eyes this time..."

- Future of Forestry

"Samara, there is good in every situation. God is sending good your way. You need to find the good..." - Mom

"From the first shock of cold air in the delivery room to the last gasp of air on our death beds, we crave love. We instinctively yearn for it, gravitate toward it and feel like starving people if we're deprived of it." - Alan Wright, Shame Off You

...those are just a few quotes and lyrics I ran across. They refresh me.

Well, I'm off to my sister's to hang out with her and the little man. We're going to paint our fingernails =)

Tonight is Charlli-Samara time and we're watching Pride and Prejudice... can't wait.

Love you all, have a blessed and restful weekend.

Ah... productive day off.

I didn't start my day until 9:30, which is highly unusual for me. I got up, took a shower, got ready, and then I got to have a nice long time with the Lord. I love those days. Today I had the joy of finishing a journal and starting a new one. Every time I finish a journal, I go back and leaf through it, looking for highlights and reading important entries. Then I write a sort of "farewell" on the back page that tries to sum up some of what that particular journal was about. This journal's focus: desperation! It was written everywhere, "Jesus... I NEED YOU!" I almost had to laugh at myself at how worried I had let myself become. I wanted to go back and tell myself, "Ummm... can you remember a time when He has not come through?" There were some really beautiful passages too. He had shared with me parts of my identity, and rereading those today was therapeutic. Probably the highlight of my day.

After getting on tumblr and looking at some of the gowns from the golden globes last night (which, by and large, I was really disappointed with...), I made a really long to do list. It wasn't really just for today, more for the whole week. But I got quite a bit crossed off, which feels so good!

I had switched with a co-worker who was going to cover me on saturday if I worked today, so I got ready and headed off to Honda. As soon as I walked in, I saw my co-worker--the one I had switched with. Turns out there had been a miscommunication and she decided to work both days. So I headed back home, quickly scheming up some new plans (really, one of my favorite things to do... I am such a schemer ;).

Once I got home, I did a few more little tasks. I also took a definitive step: I applied to be a Freshman Interest Group (FIG) leader. We'll see how that goes. It's so exciting to think of opportunities like that. I mean, it's fun to think of my way of life changing. This would give me a chance to be a teacher, rather than just a student, and that's really exciting.

Oh! I also got news that one of my best friends is now planning on studying abroad in London in July--which is the same time I'm planning on being in England, if not in London itself. So, now I'm scheming about a weekend with her in London. Hah! How fun is that?

Then my sister and I grabbed some books and headed off for a study sesh at starbucks :) So peaceful. I feel like I get so much more done when I'm not at home. I have just fallen in love with going to starbucks or the Kirkland library (such a favorite!) to get some quality studying done.

Anyways, now all I have left to do is read some more and then I'm heading to bed early.

Quite a splendid day.

*Sigh... this has been a very long and very stretching week.

But I can breathe easy for a few hours :)

So, thoughts on this week:

- I may be dropping my communication major and focusing all on English. There's an opportunity that I could take a graduate seminar next quarter. This would be an enormous privilege but would also be very challenging. I can only take it though if I am not pursuing com. I need to know by monday :-/ I'm leaning towards dropping com. It would open up a lot of opportunities. If I dropped com I would be able to apply for Honors English, take more Lit classes (including a grad seminar), take a few more electives, and I could even apply teach a Freshman Interest Group (FIG). It would be pretty incredible. I just need to hear a definitive from the Lord and from my parents.

- I took my first step this week in turning Inception into a topic scholarly study. We had to write a media critique for my com class. In nearly all my classes I've been seeing "Inception links." (If you flip through my copy of Heart of Darkness you will find multiple notes referencing Inception--there are SO many connections between that book and that movie). After bringing the film up a couple of times in my literature class (it DID apply), my professor made a brilliant point: "Inception is your generation's Matrix." It's very, very true. In my dreams of being a professor, I would make my students watch the film and use it as a critical theory. (PS - so excited for it to come out on tuesday, but i have to wait to watch it till my finals are over):

- Because I had to read such a horrible book last weekend for my lit class, I decided to buy some new worship music to play in the background. This was fun, but challenging because 3 of my favorites all came out with albums this month ("Joy" by forerunner music, "Live at the Banks House" by Will Reagan and the United Pursuit Band, and "Come Away" by Jesus Culture--which the title track of is a beautiful cover of two UPB songs :). Well, I bought a couple of songs from each album. But I had to inform you that my favorite, and the one I've had on repeat most of this week, is "One Thing Remains" by Chris Quilala of off "Come Away." Such a good one. [I just have to insert something here that some of you may be helpful... so, more and more songs on iTunes seem to be "album only." Well, I found a way around them. Amazon MP3 sells them as individual songs... sometimes they're 1.99 instead of .99, but if you're like me and not likely to buy the entire album, it's a steal... just an fyi :]

- Ok... random quote I've had in my head today:

"One minute your saving the whole galaxy! And the next minute you find yourself suckin' down darjeeling ... with Marie Antoinette and her little sister."

hahahahaha... :)

Well, the next 12 days are going to be intense. I have a take home final next weekend, an in class that monday, and another one that wednesday. But I also have - sunday the 5th: CCK Christmas Party. monday the 6th: Piano Recital. friday the 10th: Future of Forestry Christmas Worship Concert (I've been waiting all year to go back to this!!!). saturday the 11th: Charlli's concert choir. tuesday the 14th: Beks gets home!!!!!! =)

All that to say, I'm going to be really busy. No movies or TV for me. I'm already off of FB and Tumblr :(

But it'll be ok. On the 15th, I'll be a free woman :)

Cheers!

Maybe it's just me... but does anyone else tear up at baby dedications?

I mean, this little guy or gal has their whole life ahead of them. They could be anything!

And its always a reminder that names have meanings--your name has meaning.

Then I think, someday, I'll have a baby!

And that is so exciting but so heavy...

Well, maybe it is just me.

I should have forewarned you that this blog would be pretty random... sorry. Be forewarned.

Ok. I'm getting excited for fall. I'm getting really excited to be back at the U and in class. haha

Ever since I first started college, for some reason, I just wanted to be a junior. I felt like everything would be more fun when I was a junior. And I'd be so much closer to finishing (which it really isn't... I've thought about starting a groupie called: "Grad school's where it's at." haha).

Maybe my junior year won't be all that I thought it would be... but I'm here nonetheless.

And it's going to be different but so good! Just this week, it became for sure that I won't be working at the clinic once school starts. I've been there 15 months, worked with INCREDIBLE people (like it's unfair), and so grown up. But the Lord has made it clear that it's time to move on. And while I have peace about that, it doesn't mean it won't be painful to leave--especially leaving the people (Laura, Chloe, Dr. Mark, Auntie Sue, Emily, Steph, April, Tong, etc...) But I know this is the right timing.

So... instead of working as much, my focus is really school (probably another reason I'm so excited about it). This fall I'll be going to class M/W from 8:30-3:30 and Fri. from 8:30 to 11:30. Then I'll be working T/TH 7-2 and Sat. 7-4 at Honda of Kirkland. That means I'm going to have so much more time to study, be at school, hang with my family, invest in my friendships, go on walks with Charlli, take naps, journal, and just be.

It's going to be different than the last few years... but I am soooo excited!

Now, I just have to address this sadness in my heart...

In just 3 days, I'll be saying goodbye to one of my bestest friends in the whole world. She's going away to school and I won't see her again till Christmas (we already have a date to see Voyage of the Dawn Treader together :). But it's been hard lately... really hard. Yesterday, I was telling her all the things that made me sad about her going away: no dinner dates at Cafe Veloce, no spontaneous Starbuck talks, no movie nights, and no hugs :(

I hate how it's hard to describe that, it's not that my other friends aren't "friends enough," it's just that no one can fill the same spot in your heart as someone else. I'm going to miss my dear friend sorely.

Beks - I love you! And even though we're going to be thousands of miles apart and three time zones away, I love you. Thank God for texting, facebook, blogspot, and gmail chat :) Please write often. I'm definitely still going to need your love, encouragement, and the random quotes from While You Were Sleeping. :)

*Sigh... I'm not looking forward to wednesday.

Ok... one other thing (I told you this post would be random)... Lately, the Lord has been so trying to get me out of my comfort zone in some different areas. I've put that off and resisted for about 2 months. But I decided this past week that I'm jumping in. Living comfortably is no fun. And I just had to say that I am making progress and to take this moment to be excited that I am "choosing to do the hard things." Way to go, Little Spirit Woman... go go go! haha

Oh! And just had to say that I recently got Brooke Fraser's album Albertine= in LOVE!! She is amaaaaazing. My favorite song right now is "The Thief" and it is with those lyrics I will leave you. Have a blessed Sunday afternoon.

The Thief

Your eyes are full

Full of the future of us

The air changes as you look across

At me in that wondering way

It is as if

I knew you before we spoke

Do our hearts know something we don't?

Conspiring, converging without giving us any say

You, sing me to sleep

Talk down my walls

Look through my windows as I wait

You could be the thief

I give the key to

You're ruining me

With secrets and gestures and looks

With sonnets from second hand books

Playing the chords in me nobody knew how to play

You, sing me to sleep

Talk down my walls

Look through my windows as I wait

You could be the thief

I give the key to

It fits in your hand like water in rain

It unlocks our two different selves

And shows we are the same

Rather than wait 'til I put me out for the taking

You're breaking

You're breaking

You're breaking into my heart

And I'm letting you...

Your eyes are full

Full of the future of us...

Today, Pastor Norm said that CCK was "25 with kids. She is in the age of distractions."

This struck a particular chord with me due to what I had read this morning:

I do want to point out, friends, that time is of the essence. There is no time to waste, so don't complicate your lives unnecessarily. Keep it simple—in marriage, grief, joy, whatever. Even in ordinary things—your daily routines of shopping, and so on. Deal as sparingly as possible with the things the world thrusts on you. This world as you see it is on its way out.

I want you to live as free of complications as possible...All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.

- I Corinthians 7:29-32, 35

That last verse is really familiar because it's the "undistracted devotion" verse. But, it seems so much more straightforward in this context. We can be distracted by so much more than guys or girls. I don't want to be distracted. I want to keep it simple!

Well, on a separate note, tomorrow begins my summer schedule:

Mondays: Work 7-noon at Honda, 1:30-5:30 at the clinic

Tuesdays: Work 7-noon at Honda, 1:30-5:30 at the clinic

Wednesdays: MORNING OFF!!! 1:30-5:30 at the clinic

Thursdays: Work 7-noon at Honda, 1:30-5:30 at the clinic

Friday: On/off, 1:30-5:30 at the clinic

Saturdays: 7-4 at Honda

Sundays: 2-7 at Honda

whew! And at the end of the month, I'm adding an online class to that schedule! crazy!

I just keep whispering to myself: "Oxford, oxford, oxford, oxford, oxford..."

Well, to end on a grateful note (btw, I'm soooo grateful for work!), today at work, someone had changed the XM radio to a Christian station, and it was left there until the last hour of my shift. I've never been so grateful to listen to Steven Curtis Chapman, Newsboys and Jacqui Valasquez... But there were some good ones too :-)

Thank you Jesus for day brighteners!

update...

well, i just got hired on at a second job. this is seriously great news because I have so many things to be saving for. but, this also means i will probably be working like every day from now until i get out of school on june 9.

what did i sign myself up for?

I have quite a bit to get done between now and then and now I have even less time to do it. Jesus help! thank goodness He is able even when I am not.

so what's next for this little girl? Well, over the summer i'll be working both jobs and i'm taking a class online (it's one of the pre-req's for com). so, although i'll be super busy, i do have some amazing trips planned. I'm going to California for a cousin's wedding in June (maybe again in August for a friend's wedding). In July, I'm spending a weekend in Oregon for another cousin's wedding (yay for a growing family :). And, I also get to go to one of my favorite spots on earth! Yes, I'm weird, but i absolutely love Spokane! So i'm going there in July. Not to mention Family Camp (woot woot!) which, in the words of Christian McCuen, is "like 5 days of Christmas."

I also registered for classes in the fall. I'm taking four classes for a total of 16 credits. I'm taking the other com pre-req with the beautiful, talented, and hilarious Miss Jessica McKindley. So excited for that! I'm also taking Environmental Health, Art and Architecture of the Ancient World, and English 302-Critical Practice (hopefully with another English-major friend, Helen). The coolest part about the schedule--i only have school Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Haha! so excited. All my community college friends have talked about this for a long time, and now, finally, i won't have to go to school every day!

But, for another exciting announcement, I have decided to take the leap: I am now going to be majoring in English-Literature and Communications and minoring in Classical Studies.

Wow. haha... i am SUCH a nerd and i love it!

I added and re-added and planned, and i should be able to get all that done in the next two years. I should graduate with like 185 credits (just 5 over) in the normal 4 year period. Only draw-back, i won't really have any elective credits left. But that's ok.

so... in a nutshell that is me.

in the words of one of my favorite lines of any movie, there is "so much to enjoy and to be and to do."

for now, bon soir! :)

grr! I'm trying to plan out my class schedule for next quarter... it's not going super well... :(

I work Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday afternoon. I have a breakfast date with Melissa every other Wednesday. I need at least one lunch date free for discipleship meetings and so forth. But the university is not being very flexible.

I need to finish my french series--and i don't mind taking french, but you have to take it at the same time every day of the week. I'll just be really happy when I don't have that class restricting my life.
I also need 10 more science credits. I do have 7 quarters to take those two classes--but i want to get them out of the way.
I'm planning on hitting my Communications classes hard starting this quarter and going in to next year.

Oh! I don't think I mentioned this earlier, but I was officially accepted into the Comm major. I'll be applying to the English major beginning of spring quarter. But I'm taking a furlough from English. I only need 5 more English classes to fulfill the requirements for that major--and some of those will be in my senior year. So I'm going to have to sit tight on that one. I'm just trusting Jesus for his timing with English.
I'm going to go look at more class combinations...


Ok... after much deliberation, I think my plan for next quarter is going to be
French 103: M-F 8:30-9:20
Comm 373 - Communications in Small Groups: M/W 9:30-11:20
Astro 150 - The Planets: T/TH 10:30-11:50 and W 11:30-12:20

We'll see... hopefully neither the Comm class nor the quiz section for Astro fills up too quickly. I'll be registering in two weeks... so, we'll see what happens then. =)

I've been terribly neglectful, but just had to write down a thought I had earlier this week.

I'm now considering double-majoring in English and Communications but to do this, I had to meet with an advisor. To my delight, I discovered that I can in fact graduate with a double major in the regular 4 years of school! (YIPPEE!!!)

The counselor and I spent the whole meeting talking about taking this class here and that class there in order to accomplish both when this thought hit me: College is like a giant, expensive, significant game of yahtzee! haha

The first year, no matter what you "roll" (or take) it counts for something. Now in my sophomore year, I have to be strategic about what I'm trying to "get out of the way." For me the 4 of a kind and straights are always hard to get but I may save me full house for another turn. And in the same way, I'm trying to get specific classes out of the way so that my junior and senior year, I'm not stuck but enjoying the game!

I don't know if that makes any sense, but it helped to lighten my mood so i thought i'd share :)