the sound of a story

Sometimes I come across a song and book pairing that just capture each other so well it's startling!  It's like they were designed by the same minds!  Here are a few especially direct matches:

"Gold" by Sir Sly | Red Rising by Pierce Brown

"Mouth made of metal, metal, metal

Pocket full of yellow, yellow

Pocket full of gold

And I hope you find

I hope you find your dream

And darling never settle, settle, settle

Chasing down the devil, devil

Chasing down the gods

And I hope you find

I hope you find your dream..."

"Bite" by Troye Sivan | Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

"Kiss me on the mouth and set me free

Sing me like a choir

I can be the subject of your dreams

Your sickening desire

Don't you want to see a man up close?

A phoenix in the fire

So kiss me on the mouth and set me free

But please don't bite..."

* Ok, so I'm not the first person to think this... But it can't be helped - the whole album is full of Carry On feels, to be honest.



"Unsteady" by X Ambassadors | Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

"Mother, I know

That you're tired of being alone

Dad, I know you're trying

To fight when you feel like flying

But if you love me, don't let go

If you love me, don't let go

Hold, hold on, hold onto me

'Cause I'm a little unsteady..."

One Wild Life: Soul

Ahead of it's release, Relevant is streaming Gungor's latest album, One Wild Life: Soul. It actually marks the beginning of a trilogy--Soul, Spirit, and Body.  Gungor actually took inspiration from the format of Ryan O'neil's (aka Sleeping at Last) creative style - that of minimal touring or promotion, and spending nearly all of their energy and resources on artistic creation while also restraining themselves to a thematic project.  So, inspired by Mary Oliver's "The Summer Day" and the question it raises, Gungor aims to offer an answer spanning this trilogy of upcoming albums.

Stylistically here, Gungor has opted more for contemporary synths and beats and less for their previous acoustic sound.  Having emerged slowly over their last few albums as a lead vocalist, Lisa Gungor effectively takes the role even more often.  She leads the album's eponymous track and the song leaves breathing space for her soft quotation of Mary Oliver: "what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"  Among others, she leads on the ethereal "Moon Song" and "At Sea" as well as duetting harmonically with Michael on "Light" and "Vapor."  Her maternal presence comes through clearly in "Moon Song" and even more so on "Light," a song dedicated their daughter Lucie (meaning light) who has downs syndrome.  She explains their journey beautifully here and the song reflects the delight with which they parent.  In fact, their recently released music video for the track is comprised entirely of home videos.

The social activist facet of Gungor is overt here in a number of ways.  On first listening to "We are Stronger," I'll admit I found the first half trite.  Even now, I find the peppy "We are better together" rather childish sounding--and yet, the second half of the song is so honestly gripping that I can't skip the track.  Here, they use the bridge to whisper-sing over a choral arrangement:

Every black life matters
Every woman matters
Every soldier matters
All the unborn matter
Every gay life matters
Fundamentalists matter
Here's to life and all it's branches

They finesse these ideals further on the later track "Us For Them." Both a beautiful treatise on breaking down divisions as well as a response to last year's backlash against Gungor because (gasp!) they shared they weren't convinced by Young Earth Creationism.  Reminiscent of U2's "there is no them, there's only us" ("Invisible"), this unifying, anthemic piece affirms:

We will not fight their wars,
We will not fall in line
'Cause when it's us or them,
It's us for them
We reject the either/or
They can't define us anymore
'Cause when it's us or them,
It's us for them...

These types of moments are certainly not new for Gungor (see "God is not a White Man"), but as they've become both more artistically nuanced and more lyrically frank, they appear to echo the frustrations many younger adults have with the current state of the Evangelical Church, but they move past defiance into much broader questions.

Their eerily beautiful "Am I"--an apparent inversion of YHWH's name, to which it finally resolves--haunts with both philosophically and personally familiar questions.  It echoes many of the statement's of "I am Mountain" in obverse as questions (e.g. "am I the stars?").  He seems to constrain a scream asking "am I a dream? am I memory?" before turning falsetto to ask "am I awake? am I okay?" The song is one that could appear simple but is, in actuality, fundamental.

Although often wrestling with millenial frustrations or metaphysical questions, they also reach for the soul's true home.  Many songs touch on the mythic or mystic - as the "here's to life and all it's branches" recalls Axis Mundi.  In "Land of the Living," a cover of Matthew Perryman Jones' 2012 single from an album of the same name, they draw in all sort's of imagery of the Promised Land.

The album's finale, "Vapor," matches the sacred finishing touches to their previous two studio albums--"Every Breath" on 2011's Ghosts upon the Earth (which happens to be one of my iTunes Library's 25 most played) and "Upside Down" from 2013's I am Mountain.  Like most of the album, this song circles the holiness of the Divine and erstwhile thinness of life this side of the veil--"the vapor of it all... the beauty of it all..."--to conclude in the marriage of Creator and creation:

Come like dawn
like grace
like sunlight
Bring this world to life
Come like rain
like breath
like springtime
Bring this world to life...

One Wild Life: Soul will be available on August 7th.  

You can read some of my thoughts on Ghosts upon the Earth here or I am Mountain here and here.

"Sometimes the night was beautiful 
Sometimes the sky was so far away 
Sometimes it seemed to stoop so close 
You could touch it but your heart would break..." 

- Rich Mullins

Classic.

[via]

First Lines - 2013

My friend Simon has a tradition of doing a "First Lines" post to capture the year.  In his words, "It's very simply - you copy across the first line of each month's first blog post, and a link to that post, as an intriguing overview of the year..."  Sounds fun.  Here I go:

January - "This year is a sealed envelope / With apprehensive hope / We brace for anything / I swear, I understand that nothing changes that / The past will be the past / But the future is brighter than any flashback."

February - Since I woke up this morning I've been inexplicably excited.

March - This weekend I had one of those great "Wow!  Not everyone thinks everyone thinks the same way I do (thank God!)" moments.

April - This weekend was glorious! Glorious!!

May - Seriously... this book is wrecking me!

June - Ours is NOT a blind faith.

July - I know I've just written about it, but I'm seeing this everywhere - aren't you?  It's a happenin' summer - and it's just begun!

August - August means ... Moving into my own place and starting a new season.

September - "Don't be afraid to change. You may lose something good, but you'll gain something better."

October - Currently listening to... a lot of Lorde.

November - So... the National Theatre of Great Britain celebrated their landmark 50th Anniversary tonight, bringing over 100 performers together for a live evening comprised of some of their most famous productions.

December - Some nights, you just have to stay up late watching Jennifer Lawrence interviews and appreciating all that is quirky and authentic.

Music Monday - Bleeding Out // The Lone Below

Came across this song and, when I think about 2014, this song joins my arsenal.  

 

 All in unison we sing, at times, been redeemed
We are all of the beauty, that has not been seen
We are full of the color, that’s never been dreamed...

 Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out

Long Way Off // Gungor

So I’m born this bundle of skin and sinew, and then after a few years I learn to speak to these other egocentric mammals who have also learned to speak. And together we come up with grand stories and, who knows, maybe experience bits of revelation from beyond the vail. But these days of ours are very short and our experience very limited. We live a few moments, and then like mist, we disappear into the Mystery from whence we came.

So why are we so arrogant?

Why do we, the mist, the sinew, the breath think that the Mystery is so small as to fit into our little brains through the extremely limited data set of information that we have access to as we clutch for our lives to this ball of dirt soaring precariously through space and time? Because as clever as we can be, we are also fools.

- Michael Gungor,

Long Way Off

The erudite composed a thesis
Everything we see is all, all, all there is
But as an apophatic mystic
We’re a long way

We’re a long way

We’re a long way off

When the waves of time
Wash the shores stark clean
Of the memories, the last of me
With my castles gone to the constant sea
Will you stay with me
Stay with me 

Containing this great treasure...

A few songs for Thursday :)

Gungor released their new album this week (yippee!)
I have to admit, I'm still warming up to it.  I got a handful of songs, and they're good.
I just still regard Ghosts Upon the Earth as one of the most incredible albums...
So it's kind of hard for me to move on with the band.

That being said... there are some great songs including the title track:

"I am Mountain" (the single) picks up on the themes of "Beautiful Things."  

The premise is the unity of creation.

God used the same building blocks for mountains, stars, and people.

Homo sapiens are unique due to God's life-breathed power,

but we are made of common, mortal elements just the same.

This song (and music video) are a refreshing reminder

that we are both common and glorious:

I am mountain, I am dust
Constellations made of us
There's glory in the dirt
A universe within the sand
Eternity within a man

We are ocean, we are mist
Brilliant fools who wound and kiss
There's beauty in the dirt
Wandering in skin and soul
Searching, longing for a home...

Momentary carbon stories
From the ashes
Filled with holy ghost
Life is here now
Breathe it all in
Let it all go
You are earth and wind

Along a similar theme, another favorite artist, Sleeping at Last released another EP last week.

Just to (re?)explain, "Sleeping at Last" is now a one-man band comprised of: Ryan O'Neil.

He writes all the the songs and plays and sings 90%+ of everything he produces.

(You may have just heard his instrumental "Households"

on Kid President's breakout video.)

This year, he's taken upon a year-long music project entitled "Atlas."

It's basically a 4-part musical exploration of creation.

He has/will release an EP every quarter.

He started with Darkness, moved on to Light, and just released Space 1, to be followed by Space 2.

It may sound like a very rigid way to produce music,

but his self-enforced discipline has provided a springboard to some incredible music.

Space 1 examines "Sun," "Mercury," "Venus," "Earth," "Moon" (a stunning instrumental!) and "Mars."

[The EP can currently be streamed here.]

The follow up will cover the rest of the planets.

Be of good cheer. I think Pluto will even be included :)

[You can read more about his project here and here]

 

As a side note, this album carries a lot of the same threads as "I am Mountain."

"Sun" emphasizes:

We are the dust of dust.
We are the apple of God’s eye.
We are infinite as the universe we hold inside.

I think there is a yearning in God's people to move a place of awareness and humility.

A posture that says, "Yes, we are special,

but only because of a gift from Father."

Because then, there are no outsiders.

There are no special clubs.

[Ok, ending a rant before I get started]

Needless to say... it's an interesting and inspiring view of our relationship to the World.

The song is currently gripping me is "Mercury."

Mercury is the type of song that makes you want to hold your breath and turn it up.

It's like you don't want to miss a single word or note.

The song is musically and lyrically gorgeous by itself, 

but even more so for O'Neal's musical decisions.

As he explains, "For a planet 70% metallic, it felt fitting to only use metallic instruments on this song (except for my voice, of course, which is made of human)."

Here is the song and the lyrics interspersed with some [commentary]:

rows of houses,
sound asleep.
only street lights
notice me.

i am desperate,
if nothing else,
in a holding pattern
to find myself.*

[*a theme running throughout the song

a need for clarity of vision -

something I am definitely seeking]

i talk in circles,
i talk in circles,
i watch for signals,
for a clue.*

how to feel different.
how to feel new.
like science fiction
bending truth.

no one can unring this bell, [Magicians Nephew?]
unsound this alarm, unbreak my heart new.
God knows, i am dissonance
waiting to be swiftly pulled into tune.*

i’ll go anywhere you want,
anywhere you want,
anywhere you want me.

[Ever been so desperate you say,

"God, just tell me where and I'll go!"]

i know the further i go,
the harder i try, only keeps my eyes closed.
and somehow i’ve fallen in love
with this middle ground at the cost of my soul.

 

yet i know, if i stepped aside,
released the controls, you would open my eyes.
that somehow, all of this mess
is just an attempt to know the worth of my life…*

…made of precious metals,
precious metals,
precious metals inside.

i’ll go anywhere you want me.

["We now have this light shining in our hearts,

but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars

containing this great treasure.

This makes it clear that our great power

is from God, not from ourselves." - II Cor. 4:7]

This line has been reverberating in my mind... becoming truer the longer I think on it.

Thank you, Sleeping at Last.

"Well it's easier to clench your fist and grind your teeth
than to look into the sadness that lives underneath.
Well, you can kill off all those feelings, they'll just turn to ghosts
They will take over your house and become the hosts
Oh how long?


A Man of sorrows walked the shores of Galilee
And his eyes were cast with joy towards the crystal sea
When the shadows will be gone with all these bitter tears
And my heart will hang on that till the dawn appears
Oh how long?


Oh you won't let me go..."


- Matthew Perryman Jones, Until the Dawn Appears

Maybe it's just me... but does anyone else tear up at baby dedications?

I mean, this little guy or gal has their whole life ahead of them. They could be anything!

And its always a reminder that names have meanings--your name has meaning.

Then I think, someday, I'll have a baby!

And that is so exciting but so heavy...

Well, maybe it is just me.

I should have forewarned you that this blog would be pretty random... sorry. Be forewarned.

Ok. I'm getting excited for fall. I'm getting really excited to be back at the U and in class. haha

Ever since I first started college, for some reason, I just wanted to be a junior. I felt like everything would be more fun when I was a junior. And I'd be so much closer to finishing (which it really isn't... I've thought about starting a groupie called: "Grad school's where it's at." haha).

Maybe my junior year won't be all that I thought it would be... but I'm here nonetheless.

And it's going to be different but so good! Just this week, it became for sure that I won't be working at the clinic once school starts. I've been there 15 months, worked with INCREDIBLE people (like it's unfair), and so grown up. But the Lord has made it clear that it's time to move on. And while I have peace about that, it doesn't mean it won't be painful to leave--especially leaving the people (Laura, Chloe, Dr. Mark, Auntie Sue, Emily, Steph, April, Tong, etc...) But I know this is the right timing.

So... instead of working as much, my focus is really school (probably another reason I'm so excited about it). This fall I'll be going to class M/W from 8:30-3:30 and Fri. from 8:30 to 11:30. Then I'll be working T/TH 7-2 and Sat. 7-4 at Honda of Kirkland. That means I'm going to have so much more time to study, be at school, hang with my family, invest in my friendships, go on walks with Charlli, take naps, journal, and just be.

It's going to be different than the last few years... but I am soooo excited!

Now, I just have to address this sadness in my heart...

In just 3 days, I'll be saying goodbye to one of my bestest friends in the whole world. She's going away to school and I won't see her again till Christmas (we already have a date to see Voyage of the Dawn Treader together :). But it's been hard lately... really hard. Yesterday, I was telling her all the things that made me sad about her going away: no dinner dates at Cafe Veloce, no spontaneous Starbuck talks, no movie nights, and no hugs :(

I hate how it's hard to describe that, it's not that my other friends aren't "friends enough," it's just that no one can fill the same spot in your heart as someone else. I'm going to miss my dear friend sorely.

Beks - I love you! And even though we're going to be thousands of miles apart and three time zones away, I love you. Thank God for texting, facebook, blogspot, and gmail chat :) Please write often. I'm definitely still going to need your love, encouragement, and the random quotes from While You Were Sleeping. :)

*Sigh... I'm not looking forward to wednesday.

Ok... one other thing (I told you this post would be random)... Lately, the Lord has been so trying to get me out of my comfort zone in some different areas. I've put that off and resisted for about 2 months. But I decided this past week that I'm jumping in. Living comfortably is no fun. And I just had to say that I am making progress and to take this moment to be excited that I am "choosing to do the hard things." Way to go, Little Spirit Woman... go go go! haha

Oh! And just had to say that I recently got Brooke Fraser's album Albertine= in LOVE!! She is amaaaaazing. My favorite song right now is "The Thief" and it is with those lyrics I will leave you. Have a blessed Sunday afternoon.

The Thief

Your eyes are full

Full of the future of us

The air changes as you look across

At me in that wondering way

It is as if

I knew you before we spoke

Do our hearts know something we don't?

Conspiring, converging without giving us any say

You, sing me to sleep

Talk down my walls

Look through my windows as I wait

You could be the thief

I give the key to

You're ruining me

With secrets and gestures and looks

With sonnets from second hand books

Playing the chords in me nobody knew how to play

You, sing me to sleep

Talk down my walls

Look through my windows as I wait

You could be the thief

I give the key to

It fits in your hand like water in rain

It unlocks our two different selves

And shows we are the same

Rather than wait 'til I put me out for the taking

You're breaking

You're breaking

You're breaking into my heart

And I'm letting you...

Your eyes are full

Full of the future of us...

Matthew 23:12 in the Message:

If you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.

there it is. this verse has been messing with me. why is it so hard to be simple? why do we make it so hard? why do we compare ourselves when we were never meant to be the same as someone else? why can't we just learn to really truly trust Him?!
one of the songs i've had on repeat lately:

What joy, what joy for those whose hope is in the name of the Lord!
What peace, what peace for those whose confidence is Him alone!

and that is what i want! i've had moments where i've been there. i've touched that peace. but then all the old insecurities come back to whisper lies in my ear. but then just the other morning i read this:

I'm hurt and in pain;
Give me space for healing, and mountain air.

tehe! i love that last part.
and that is what i need right now because my finals week is a week early this quarter-which does mean 2 weeks of spring break-but it also means a lot to do for this next week:
- 5 page paper on the significance of costumes in Merchant of Venice (ok, not gonna lie--i'm actually excited about writing this one :)
- 2-3 page analysis on Things Fall Apart
- A French composition
- A whole set of French homework
- A French Quiz
- A French Final
- A reflective essay
- An English Lit final

all of that between now and 8:30 next Saturday morning!
but I think it will be alright. like always, i just need His grace!

one last thought - you know when life can be really hard but it's so okay because you know He's up to something? that's how i feel. so i can be at peace.

ok. i'm going to go grab my slippers because my little toesies are freezing! and then i'm going to start into that list. and i'm probably going to bed early. that's a sweet thought.
sweet dreams to all of you!

bon soir! ;)

Stars

"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars..."

* * * * * * *

"Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, “Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That’s how many descendants you will have!"

* * * * * * *

you should see the stars tonight
how they shimmer shine so bright
against the black they look so white
comin down from such a height
to reach me now, reach me now

you should see the moon in the flight
cuttin cross the misty night
softly dancin in sunshine
reflections of this light
reach me now, you reach me now

and how could such a thing
shine its light on me
and make everything beautiful again

and you should feel the sun in the spring
comin out after a rain
suddenly all is green
sunshine on everything
i can feel it now, i feel you now

and how could such a thing
shine its light on me
and make everything beautiful

and you should hear the angels sing
all gathered round their king
more beautiful than you could dream
i've been quietly listening
you can hear 'em now, i hear em now

and how could such a king
shine His light on me
and make everything beautiful
and i wanna shine
i wanna be light
i wanna tell you it'll be alright
and i wanna shine and i wanna fly
just to tell you now
it'll be alright, it'll be alright
it'll be alright.

cus i got nothing of my own to give to you
but this light that shines on me shines on you
and makes everything beautiful, again.
it'll be alright, it'll be alright.

* * * * * * *

* * * * * * *

"Do we gaze at the stars because we are human? Or, are we human because gaze at the stars?"

* * * * * * *

Hope is written in the stars.

The stars have hung in the sky longer than any of us and will be there long after us. During war, famine, depression, sickness, pain, or heartache--every night the stars have come out. Though clouds may shroud them-we may stand confident they are still there. Though we may not have time to look up, they remain. Stars remind us that beauty can be found even on the darkest night!

Remember the stars...

quotes and lyrics

"Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?"

"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine." -Yvaine

"If it doesn't break... if.. it.. doesn't break your heart it isn't love..." - switchfoot

"Allelujah, I'm caving in...

Allelujah, I'm in love again...

Allelujah, I'm a wretched man...

Allelujah, every breath is a second chance..." - switchfoot

"Your life is an occasion. Rise to it." - Mr. Magorium

"We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery" - Mr. Magorium

"Now we wait." - Mahoney

"No. We Breathe. We Pulse. We Regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. Thirty-seven seconds, well used, is a lifetime." - Mr. Magorium

"I can feel you all around me

Thickening the air I'm breathing

Holding on to what I'm feeling

Savoring this heart that's healing" - flyleaf

"You think this is just a magazine, hmm? This is not just a magazine. This is a shining beacon of hope for... oh, I don't know... let's say a young boy growing up in Rhode Island with six brothers pretending to go to soccer practice when he was really going to sewing class and reading Runway under the covers at night with a flashlight. You have no idea how many legends have walked these halls. And what's worse, you don't care. Because this place, where so many people would die to work you only deign to work."

"I've never seen a monument erected to a pessimist." - Paul Harvey

"A poem needs understanding through the senses… The point of diving in a lake is not immediately to swim to the shore, but to be in the lake—to… luxuriate in the sensation of water. You do not “work” the lake out. It is an experience beyond thought. Poetry soothes and emboldens the soul to accept mystery."

"This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumor going around the shop that some of us are someday going to come to life..." - C. S. Lewis

"I will take the ring, though I do not know the way..." - Frodo Baggins

"He sits on His throne on high. He sees us all--and He knows what He is doing in the midst of each and every star in the heavens..." - Victor Hugo

"Women don't want to hear what men think. Women want to hear what they think in a deeper voice." - Bill Cosby

"Perhaps kissing is the best thing for crying, but it will not always stop it..." - George MacDonald

"maybe redemption has stories to tell..."