Next Steps

Have you ever told yourself that this thing you love is just a side thing, a hobby, something you will only love amateurly? And then one day you woke up and realized that all along it was the thing?

Well, I have.

If you've read much of anything I post on here, you know I can boil down quite a few of my favorite things to stories, narrative, adaptations, novels, films, that sort of thing...  Last fall, I began really wrestling with what these passions are for and how they might all fit together.  Graduate school had been weighing on my mind for some time - but grad school for what exactly?  Somehow, I didn't think, "I just really love stories - will you let me back in?" was going to cut it for a personal statement. But, there were times sitting at an office desk when I couldn't help but whisper to myself, "I don't belong here..."

When I finally did allow myself to believe that maybe I could actually pursue this thing I love so deeply, it became clear that going back to school was the necessary step.  So I entered this marathon of applications, I put a label on what I want to research - "transmuted adaptation" - and I started asking for a lot of help.  After a very grueling application process, a lot of prayer, too many vague posts, and anxiously waiting...

I am very excited to announce that I am returning to school this September. I will be pursuing a Master's in English and Film at Oregon State University and, thanks to their generous funding package, I'll also be teaching English composition.

Thinking about graduate school makes me feel like I'm returning home and that I'm venturing into some wilderness all at the same time.  And I'm so excited!  Though I try again and again, stories matter more to me than I can articulate.  So for the next two years, I'm going to give myself to stories, to the power of a classic novel told in a new way, and to inspiring others why we need to keep reading these narratives.

I am going back to school.

So, I'm doing an Alice in Wonderland-themed photo essay for my modernism class. Today was the first part of my photo-shoot with my sister. Here's a sneak peek:

[photo credit]

Can't wait to show you more =)

done in 5 weeks...

Such a big day. My credits from Oxford finally transferred over and should show up on my transcripts. And, I got to meet with the Office of Merit Scholarship to talk about funding ideas for grad school. Crazy! This looks like it will be a long but insanely good process =)

On the docket for tomorrow: My first--yes first--Husky Football Game!!!!! Go Dawgs!

I am so dependant on the Lord right now, and that's a beautiful thing.
I'm in the middle of working on an annotated bibliography for William Faulkner's The Sound and the Fury. This was, honestly, the hardest book I've ever read. It was beyond confusing. But I've found that makes reading criticism more interesting. So I have to read and analyze at least 10 pieces of criticism for the bibliography (I've read 8).
As soon as I'm done with that, I get to dive into a paper on Frankenstein and Wuthering Heights. I'm actually looking forward to that one. I just don't have a lot of time to invest in it. But it should still be really interesting.
The really good news is that there is a light at the end of this tunnel: Jane Eyre. I read it for the first time last Christmas and I cannot wait to fall in love with it again (this time for a class). And my professor is the coolest--he is actually the editor for the Norton Critical edition for both Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre. Yes... in lit-nerd terms, that means he is amazing!
In the midst of all of this, I've kind of gotten sick. It's been getting worse over the last few days, but today it really hit =/ This isn't very good news, but, hopefully it won't affect school or work too much.
Just one more thing to trust the Lord with right now.

update

I'm LOVING college!

This is kind of new for me! There have been moments of excitement, but not like this. Now i'm really loving it!

I'm taking French 102 and it's real fun because nearly the entire class period is in French.

I'm also taking English 197 and 202. These classes are linked. So, what that means, is that in 202 the professor lectures on how to approach literature and in 197 a different teacher gives us writing exercises and helps us with papers regarding the reading homework for 202. This basically means I have less homework and less "in class" time. Which is fine with me! So far, we've read the "Lucy Poems" and "Tintern Abbey" by Wordsworth, an article by T.S. Eliot, and a selection of Shakespeare's Sonnets. We're going to be reading a lot more poetry and articles but we also are reading Things Fall Apart by Achebe, Heart of Darkness by Conrad, and, one of my favorites, Merchant of Venice by Shakespeare. My teachers are great too. My English professor said the other day, "Literature is the art of words arraigned a certain way." Hehe! So excited!

I've been able to engage so much more this quarter and step more fully into my intended major(s).

But it hasn't been easy. I've also really been wrestling with a lot of the philosophy that is being blasted our direction. We have had several "New Historicists" vs. "New Critics" debates--and i've had to just stand back and say, "I don't agree with either!"

I have noticed how easy it is for my mind to be over-stimulated by all this amazing information i'm hearing and discovering. But it is so empty!

It's amazing and all to learn and to understand. But, I'm learning how much I don't want that to be my goal or my focus.

It truly is all about His glory. I'm beginning to see how dissatisfying everything else is--especially intellectualism. I don't want book-knowledge... I want His wisdom.

I know this probably sounds pathetically religious; but i'm seeing how He is my treasure. He excites and satisfies me more!

Kim Walker has a new song out called "I Need You More" and it has been the soundtrack to my life this last week. The words are SO simple! And yet, they wreck me!

I need you more

More than yesterday

I need you more

More than words can say

I need you more

Than ever before

I need you Lord

I need you Lord

More than the air I breathe

More than the song I sing

More than the next heart beat

More than anything!

And Lord as time goes by

I’ll be by your side

Cuz I never want to go back

To my old life!

I need you more

More than yesterday

I need you more

More than words can say

I need you more

Than ever before

I need you Lord

I need you Lord

We give you the Highest Praise!!!

Completion!!!

I can't believe I am almost finished with my freshman year! 

I was riding the bus home yesterday, crossing 520, when I looked up, and there was Rainier in all its brilliance! And I remembered my verse for the year, Psalm 121:1 - "I lift up my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

Ahh! I just can't believe what has happened the last year--sometimes I feel stuck, sometimes I feel lost, but the Lord has done so much this past year! and He just keeps on coming! In less than 2 weeks, I will be a sophomore. In 3 weeks, I will be in California! I might be stepping into a new job. Life goes on! The adventure continues! And the Lord has so much in store for a bright future!

I lift up my eyes to the hills...

School has taken over my life recently! Winter quarter is almost over, Praise Him! But with my busy schedule I have completely neglected my journal and my blog. So, I am simply remedying that...

At the beginning of the school year, the Lord gave me this promise about me being able to trust Him in His goodness. He said the reminder of that promise would be every time I see the mountains. This is so special, because I have to go over the 520 bridge every day which has one of the best views of the Olympics and the Cascades. Also, at school there is a long stretch across campus called Rainier Vista - the view of the mountain is breathtaking. 

So, the Lord explained to me about the mountains and that they would be a sign. He also gave me a verse, Psalm 24:

"I lift up my eyes to the hills - from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth."

So, the mountains were beginning to mean a lot to me. But I was sadly disappointed when I realized that I can rarely see the mountains. They always seem to be covered up in fog and clouds - at least, until THIS week.

This week may have been too cold, but it was gorgeous!!! Every morning the mountains greeted me in brilliancy! It stirred my spirit and soul and filled me with hope. 

I fell in love with the mountains!

It has been incredible! But the Lord added more meaning this week...

I have always known my name meant "Watchful One." I appreciate how unique my name is and am so grateful to my parents for it! But this week, my mom and I were talking and she said, "Samara, I looked up the meaning of your name again and discovered something. The literal Hebrew meaning is 'Mountain Watcher.'" 

Woah! Shaaabbaaaaa!

After explaining about the mountains and the promise, she and I were both left in shock... 

I love the MOUNTAINS!!!