Next Steps

Have you ever told yourself that this thing you love is just a side thing, a hobby, something you will only love amateurly? And then one day you woke up and realized that all along it was the thing?

Well, I have.

If you've read much of anything I post on here, you know I can boil down quite a few of my favorite things to stories, narrative, adaptations, novels, films, that sort of thing...  Last fall, I began really wrestling with what these passions are for and how they might all fit together.  Graduate school had been weighing on my mind for some time - but grad school for what exactly?  Somehow, I didn't think, "I just really love stories - will you let me back in?" was going to cut it for a personal statement. But, there were times sitting at an office desk when I couldn't help but whisper to myself, "I don't belong here..."

When I finally did allow myself to believe that maybe I could actually pursue this thing I love so deeply, it became clear that going back to school was the necessary step.  So I entered this marathon of applications, I put a label on what I want to research - "transmuted adaptation" - and I started asking for a lot of help.  After a very grueling application process, a lot of prayer, too many vague posts, and anxiously waiting...

I am very excited to announce that I am returning to school this September. I will be pursuing a Master's in English and Film at Oregon State University and, thanks to their generous funding package, I'll also be teaching English composition.

Thinking about graduate school makes me feel like I'm returning home and that I'm venturing into some wilderness all at the same time.  And I'm so excited!  Though I try again and again, stories matter more to me than I can articulate.  So for the next two years, I'm going to give myself to stories, to the power of a classic novel told in a new way, and to inspiring others why we need to keep reading these narratives.

I am going back to school.

Stories

teach us how to love

and swallow sadness,

find light in darkness,

 turn away from despair.

Crafting and grafting us

into a plot much bigger,

much smaller

than our own.

They remake us

like their protagonists,

from coward to courageous.

Each story that passes

through our hands,

through our minds,

is a gift

wrapped up inside words.

 "Hello, old friend

and here we are,

you and me

on the last page."

Where they end

our hearts break or smile,

crying from tragedy or delight.

But then, our next page.

While their story ends,

our journey is only mid-way,

another chapter,

a new gift.

Top:  Nurse, Young Man, Kiss-a-gram

Below:  Old Man, Journalist, Hero

"We are all stories in the end..."
- The Doctor

"The end of a matter is better than it's beginning."

- Ecclesiastes 7.8

“If seeds in the black earth can turn into such beautiful roses, what might not the heart of man become in its long journey toward the stars?"

- GK Chesterton

"It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer."
- Samwise Gamgee

  

“Stories make us more alive, more human, more courageous, more loving.”  

- Madeleine L'Engle

"You were my new dream."

- Flynn Rider

"There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die...that we may appreciate the enjoyments of living."

- The Count

[HitRECord]

"Though truth is heavier than fiction,

Gravity lifts as the projectionist rolls tape.
And it makes us brave again"

- Sleeping at Last

On despair

Lately I've been thinking on despair. Delightful, I know. But it keeps coming up.

Call it seasonal vitamin-D deficiency. Blame it on other circumstances in my life. Settle it as the result of too much melancholy viewing or reading. But, whatever the case, despair has been knocking on my door. 

I'm becoming convinced that despair is the greatest evil. Not the greatest sin - but the end-result & effect of sin. 

Despair is so much more than sadness. I've been thinking on the pinpoint moments in some of my favorite stories when despair enters the picture. 

It's when Peeta doesn't love Katniss. 
It's when Ron leaves Harry. 
Or John fails to find Sherlock's pulse. 
Rose gets separated from the Doctor. 
Frodo Baggins forgets the taste of strawberries. 

Failure. Rejection. Goodbyes. These are always the stories' worst moments. 

But the road to resurrection runs through the grave. 

The greatest stories - both in life & in fiction - force the protagonist to walk a mile or more with despair. I've run up against it a few times. We all have in different ways. 

But there are two conclusions I've come to regarding Despair. 

The first is my prayer in the midst of my despair or any loved one's is that I'd be faithful. A faithful friend. A faithful person. "Frodo wouldn't have got very far without Sam." In fact, according to Tolkien, Sam was the hero of Lord of the Rings… and I can see why. The greatest courage isn't in brandishing glittering swords, but in traversing pain our souls were never designed for. "For the only courage worth calling courage must necessarily mean that the soul passes a breaking point--and does not break."  - GK Chesterton.

The other conclusion is one I came to after talking with my dentist, truly great fellow. The thing is, if despair is the greatest evil, joy must be the greatest good. And I'm not speaking of anything akin to humanist happiness. Many classic philosophers got close to this truth, that joy was the aim, but they all lacked something. Until Christ, "for the joy set before Him, endured the cross," they had no response to despair, and no true reason for joy. But we have. 

My friend, Esther, shared with me today, "Hope is the ability to look the past & present squarely in the face and say, 'I know that my future will make beautiful and light these harsh and dark moments.'" That's what I'm holding onto. 

I look to the stories again and again, not for happy endings, but for hopeful ones. They serve to remind that the truest stories don't end in despair. "When the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer." Until then, "never cruel or cowardly; never give up, never give in." No, now is the time to take another step through the valley, trusting the mountain is still there. All we can do in the meantime is to hold onto the promises, to wait and to hope. 



[via]



So, this weekend, I finally saw Batman Begins and Dark Knight. 


I know! I know!! I should have seen it already... but I had been dreading Dark Knight for so long (4 years to be exact). But I decided a while ago that I wanted to see Dark Knight Rises--and that meant facing the darkness. 

And while [for various reasons I won't go into now] there were parts I really didn't appreciate, I loved. the. ending.

"I'm whatever Gotham needs me to be."

Woooooow!!! Watching this movie reminded me a lot of Sherlock, especially the Reichenbach Fall. I had heard people compare Moriarty to the Joker before (but, seriously, he's way more likeable... and better to look at ;)

[via]

But tonight I was struck with the similarities between Batman and Sherlock Holmes. Both want to stop evil, but both are faced with horrifying choice. And both respond with incredible self sacrifice. 

I didn't get to write my reaction to Reichenbach right after its airing, but I can now (and, surprisingly, Batman recalled some similar feelings for me). As a student of art and of literature, I've wrestled for years with trying to understand what God calls beautiful and how he defines a hero. And I don't have the answer to that question.

But I know that self-sacrifice is beautiful.

These two dark, canonical figures remind me of so many Biblical heroes--with their flaws, their egos, their sin. But they also remind me of Christ because they'd put reputation, priorities, their very lives on the line for people they loved even more than themselves.

[via]

I cried like a baby at the end of Reichenbach not only because it was heart-wrenching portrayal of how much Sherlock truly loved John, but because it was just a small representation of the fall Christ took for each of us. After the disciples mourned for 3 days, as John mourned for 3 years, the finality of death was shaken and the Hero returned... but only after the greatest display of love.

I don't mean to over-spiritualize things, but, the way I see it, God is the original author and any truly good work mirrors His in some way. Death and resurrection is common enough in literature, but I have been deeply moved by these film adaptations' as a type of Christ's love for His Bride and His people.

For now, though, noticing all of the similarities, I think Sherlock is my Dark Knight =)

update 7.19.12 - 

[Worlds collide at London premiere of the Dark Knight Rises 7.18.12]

[via Lois]